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Recovery and Grief

In my last post, I showed you some of my first days of recovery after shoulder surgery.  Here I am one month out, and I STILL can’t do the things I want to do.  I still take an anti-inflammatory twice a day, and I still take Tylenol numerous times in the day.   To say, I am beginning to get frustrated is an understatement.  However, I knew from the beginning that it was a 3 to 6-month recovery process, so there should not be any frustration.  I’m just impatient.

THE Phone Call

AND, a big AND at that, I missed two weeks of therapy in the past month.  That has increased my recovery time, to say the least.  However, I was doing what I needed to do.  One week after surgery, I received a phone call from my hospice nurse letting me know my mom was nearing the end of her life.  So two weeks ago, I saw the doctor at 1 o’clock and had my stitches removed, then at 3:55, I boarded a plane to Arkansas where I would spend my mom’s last days with her.

Mom’s Last Days on Earth

I had a beautiful and challenging week as I loved my mom in her last days.  For days, I gave my mom pain medicine every hour around the clock to keep her comfortable.  I was blessed early on in her final days that she would only take medication from me.  When my sitter gave her medicine, mom spit it out.  When my hospice nurse gave her medicine, mom spit it out. However, every time, I gave it to her she kept it in her mouth.  Yes, that was a blessing for me to get to care for my mom even if it meant every hour!  Although mom hasn’t known who I was for quite a long time now, it warmed my heart that she allowed me to care for her when she wouldn’t let others.  What I know, God’s grace was sufficient for those moments of no sleep, giving medicine every hour and walking through the valley of the shadow of death.

Yes, even worn out and exhausted, God was my strength.

My Walk with Grief

I’ve never watched someone die before.  This was the first experience for me.  It was a painful experience.  Heart-wrenching at times.  Scary at times.  Unsettling at times.  Beautiful at times.  Kisses from Jesus at times.  Be sure to sign up here if you desire to hear the glimpses of faith and struggles during that week.  These posts won’t be placed on my blog.  You will only see them if you subscribe for those glimpses.  And watch your email in the coming weeks for a series of emails where I will share glimpses of some very special and difficult moments with you.

However, the moment I watched my mom take her last breaths, I experienced a grief like no other.  I have done hard things in my life.  I have cried lots of tears over the past few years.  But those moments right after my mom left this earth, were like no other.  Words will never adequately describe the intense grief and overwhelming emotions I felt.  But even in those moments, God was near.

When you cry so much, that your eyelids are so swollen you can hardly open your eyes, yep that happened.

[clickToTweet tweet=”The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18″ quote=”The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. Psalm 34:18″]

Life Keeps On Going

My mom has been gone a bit over a week now.  I have walked through planning a funeral, 2 hours of visitation, a wonderful time of honoring my mom, the heartbreaking view of my mom’s casket being put in a vault and prepared to lower in this earth, a sad view but a beautiful view of my mom’s earthly resting place covered with flowers; experienced several emotional breakdowns as I prepared to leave my dad alone.  I have felt His peace that passes all understanding at times; cried almost everytime I close my eyes to rest; watched my mom die in my mind over and over and over again; resumed life with my own family at home and resumed physical therapy.  Life is beginning to move forward again.  In the middle of moving forward every once in awhile, grief invades unannounced and takes my breath away.  I’m learning, that’s just the way grief works.  I also know that as time passes, the grief will get easier to work through.  God will bring healing, of that I am confident.

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Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.