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New Beginnings in the Midst of a Difficult Season

Eating Disorder Recovery

Food Improvements

I am making progress in my eating disorder recovery. For those that know me, you know I am the world’s pickiest eater, to begin with, and as my eating disorder ramped up again, my selection of foods became less and less. So one of the goals in recovery is to add not only foods I used to like back into my eating but, also introducing new foods and trying to learn to like new foods. In case you want to go ahead and faint now before I tell you some of the things I am eating go ahead because I’m sure if you know me what I’m about to say will make you faint!

I have learned to love broccoli and to eat brussel sprouts. I have eaten strawberries, and although they have not been my favorite, I am finally learning to at least tolerate them in oatmeal or granola. Also, I have tasted several many apples and eventually discovered honeycrisp apples. It was after lots of questions and many failed attempts, my direct care supervisor said we need to get you a honeycrisp apple, and that was the key. The texture of apples is important to me, but a honeycrisp apple and some peanut butter have been a successful snack for a few days. My most recent success was a green granny smith apple with cinnamon and sugar mixture sprinkled on it.

A cool wrap from Chick-fil-a and veggie pizzas have also been added to my success list!

There have been vast improvements regarding the foods I will now eat. I’m feeling like I might be becoming a grown up as it relates to food. Yoo-hoo!

Emotional Component of Eating Disorder

Not only have we been addressing the actual food part of my eating disorder we have also been diving into the emotional struggles that have been the catalyst for my eating disorder. Many people, including my own family, have asserted the fact that an eating disorder is nothing but a control problem. I may have heard statements such as these, “Just give it up, quit trying to control or put the ____ fork in your mouth.” You can imagine some adjectives that may have been used before.

As I have learned, an eating disorder is usually an unhealthy coping skill. In my case, it also has to do with caring for other people but not myself. I’m not going into lots of my story right now. I am having to overcome much pride and shame these days. I am having to change the way I think and to learn how to feel again. It is hard, exhausting work. However, I am confident God is doing a new thing.

Some New Things

I want to share with you some new things that you will be seeing in the coming weeks. You are going to start seeing an increase in the posts on my personal FB page, my Glimpses of Faith and Struggle FB page, as well as my Instagram account.

Updated Website

I am in the middle of reworking my website. I have to make some adjustments of branding in preparation for hopefully publishing a book, and I can’t wait to share with you the new and improved website soon.

My Personal Facebook Page

My personal FB page (which will become my business FB page) will be used in the coming months to share more of my journey with an eating disorder and dealing with big emotions. I will also begin to focus these same things over on my Instagram account.

You will find some weekly posts such as Moody Mondays as I begin to share some about my battle with overwhelming anxiety.

Transparent Tuesdays is where you will begin to see some very real and raw updates about what I’ve been walking through.

On Wednesdays, I will be seeking input about movement and sharing tips for healthy movement. We like to call it joyful movement here at my eating disorder apartments where I live. And sometimes that joyful movement may have entailed throwing shoes at the ceiling. Shhh! Don’t tell!

Then there will be tasty Thursdays where I will be sharing some of my eating wins and seeking recipes that are tried and true that might encourage me to keep pressing into my eating struggles.

Friday’s Favorite will be happening too. My favorites and your favorites.

Then what I call the hardest day of the week Saturday Self-Care. Yall, I stink at this! So I’m going to need lots of encouragement as we begin to think about self-care. So…I hope you will join me on my FB page for those types of posts.

It will be a bit before everything is up and running, but I’m looking forward to building some new community.

Glimpses of Faith and Struggles

On my Glimpses of Faith and Struggles, there will continue to be faith-based and family-oriented types of posts. There you will continue to find encouragement for your own lives. In a couple of months, Zine and I plan to bless you each week with some little Marriage Moments with the Smiths. I will also be featuring some posts from A Wife Like Me that have ministered to me.

I know many of you follow us for our family updates. To be sure you don’t miss a family update, please make sure to sign up for my personal updates on my website at In the sidebar, there is an area to sign up for updates!

That’s a lot of new things I am going to be implementing in 2019. Please pray that as I move forward with a vision for furthering my outreach to others, that God would direct my steps and give me His vision. I have a simple desire to love Him and to love others.


I think it’s no joke that we are working on these goals and looking towards the future and at the current time, I am at an all-time low in my self-esteem and self-worth and in a great spiritual struggle. I think God is continuing to push me in His directions even though I am balking and struggling at every nudge from Him. Sometimes, I wish I knew how to surrender easily instead of struggling with every nudge. But maybe, it’s in the struggle that I learn to surrender. Perhaps I could learn to surrender without the struggle? Just a thought for me to ponder.

Although I report new things God is doing, I also am just being very real and vulnerable…this is a hard season!! There’s few words and few posts because I’m struggling. I’m writing (unpublished) hard things that might just become another book one day. I don’t know what God is going to do with this intense struggle I find myself in, but I know, God DOES NOT WASTE STORIES! And He is not going to waste the struggle I am walking through now.

When the season feels like it will never end

I have suspicions I’m not the only one who struggles with feeling like I am in a season of life that will never end. I wanted to end with wise words to myself and to you. But…I am not feeling full of wise words today. However, I do have a picture that just speaks to my heart. I hope just the picture communicates more than my words could ever communicate. I leave you with the picture and a simple, I love you all!


Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.