Morning Conversation

I have the blessing to have one on one time with Zine every morning.   He would probably not call it good one on one time.  I help him get his feet dried off, I lotion his skin because I think that’s important (and he disagrees….except the fact his wife is rubbing lotion on him lol!), I help him keep his cath clean, and I help him get dressed!  He would prefer no help at all which is totally understandable but he also says it makes things SOOOO much easier and safer when I help him.

But what this time does…it gives us quiet conversation time.  And there is this one conversation we have on a regular basis.  And for some reason, I feel prompted to share it today.  Maybe someone who reads our blog needs to hear this.  This is quite a personal look into our lives!

We have self worth issues at my house.  I see it in almost all my children, myself, and my sweet hubby.  We have identified it as a lie we believe about ourselves that we are not worthy of people’s love.  And I have been righting a lot of lies in my life lately!

This morning I gave Zine the example…for a long time I questioned God’s goodness.  It did not feel like God was good to us!  However, God’s word clearly states that God is good.  He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us.  So what I did to correct believing a lie about God…every time I felt like God wasn’t good I would audibly state out loud often and in my head, “God I know your word says you are good.  I know You have a plan to prosper and not to harm me.  God I don’t feel that way right now.  It doesn’t feel that you are good to me, but instead of believing that you are not good, I am stating this truth out loud and I’m asking that you help me cling to that truth.  And Father as I state truth out loud over and over, would you help my heart believe it?”

Sooo….once again this morning Zine and I are having this same discussion.  And please believe me when I say a discussion is not an argument.  This was not an argument!  This conversation comes up in a different circumstance, but the root cause is the same.  Low self worth.  I’m not worthy.  And that has gotten my sweet hubby hung up!  Don’t get me wrong, I understand how he gets to this place.  I understand this place because I too live there on periodic basis.  However, it is owning his emotional thoughts right now.  And just to speak truthfully, it is not true!  He is worthy of being loved.  He is worthy of care.  And it brings his family great pleasure to love and care for him.   And I’m pretty certain his friends receive pleasure from opportunities to love him as well.  So in this conversation Zine asks, okay what do I do practically??  He went on to explain there was nothing he could do physically to fix the situation.  So what does He do to live in this place where His physical abilities are limited but not live in unworthiness.

So I took the same principle I applied in my life to come to understand and believe that God is good and turned it to help him hopefully.  When a desire arises, instead of commenting that the pepper is not on the table.  He could simply ask would someone get the pepper.  Because really he is worthy of pepper on his food!  When he desires to go for coffee, he could ask someone to take him to coffee because dog gone he is worthy enough to go for coffee.  When he wants to do something with a friend, he can ask a friend to come pick him up and they go do something because he is worthy of a friend taking him somewhere!  Every part of his being is going to scream this is selfish!  But…here’s where we are wrong.  Asking is not selfish!  I know it feels selfish!  I feel that way!!  But the reality is selfishness comes when someone says no and we get angry or our feelings hurt.  That’s selfish!  But asking is not selfish!  So Zine (and I for that matter) needs to put the request out there, and then he gets to choose whether he is selfish or not by the person’s response.  And when he puts the request out there he needs to say, God this feels super selfish but I am a child of yours, I have friends and family that love me, and desire to love me well.  I know I am worthy of their love and of Your love.  As I state this truth out loud that I am worthy of love, would you help my heart begin to believe this truth?

And no, this truth does not take root overnight!  It is a choice maybe multiple times a day to speak this truth out loud!  And I’m confident that over time of speaking a truth out loud, that it will begin to take root in the heart that’s willing to be obedient to continually take thoughts captive!

The enemy lives at my house!  He is active and alive here.  Not only in the physical aspects of my family but the emotional aspects as well.  And I may not can win the physical battles in the life of my family, but I can sure fight those emotional battles.  I do not want Satan to get victory in our spiritual and emotional well being.  So I’m arming myself for battle.  And I’m trying to help my family do the same.  And hopefully, this post will help you do the same!  However, there’s one important fact that Zine has to remember and that anyone has to remember…no one else can make the choice to speak truth to yourself.  God can show you truth, but it is your choice to repeat the truth over and over!    How ironic that I had this almost exact conversation with Chloe last week!

I’m praying today that God will speak truth, His truth, into the lives of my individual family members and myself.  I’m asking that we will have the desire to take that truth and start speaking it into our lives.  And I’m praying for release from the lies that have us entangled right now.  I’m praying that as each one of us allows God’s truth to touch our heart, that we will claim it, we will hold onto it, and we will speak His truth out loud, and eventually I have faith that we will feel it and believe it in the depths of our hearts!  And if you want me to add you to my prayer list, I will be glad to say this same prayer for you!  And I ask that you join me in praying that we can have victory in the emotional battles in our home!

 I want God’s truth to penetrate these kids hearts.  I want God’s truth to penetrate Zine’s heart.  I want God’s truth to penetrate my heart.  And I want His truth to radically change us.  I want His truth to sink into the creaks and crevices of our hearts.  And I want us to live in that place of being saturated with His love and His truth!

PS:  I have not read and reread this post for grammar.  So forgive any mistakes.  Most posts are read and reread and reread and filtered and reworded numerous times.  This one though…it’s different…it was burning my heart to get it out!  And I don’t know if it is for someone else that I needed to share or if it was for me or if it was a proclamation for the enemy to know I am on a serious mission right now…but whatever the reason, forgive all grammar mistakes!  🙂


Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Preaching truth to yourself, your family and friends. God honors that and rewards that with peace and the power to stand back up and fight another day when you feel you have failed. Prayers for all of you ! I highly recommend anything written by Joni Eariksen Tada….her blog, her Facebook page, her devotionals and books. No one ministers to suffering people any better!

  2. Karen

    I love Joni Erickson Tada!! I read her biography when I was a teenager many years ago!! We won't say how many!! And I've read some of her other books as well! She has an amazing story! Thank you for your prayers!

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