Sunday Update

Zine slept last night.  The nurse was in and out every 30 min to an hour last night.  But I did manage to rest pretty well.  Think sheer exhaustion had caught up with me.

Zine’s surgery was very successful.  It was quicker than they had prepped us for.  And he did great.  No complication with anesthesia or anything.  But they did his anesthesia very different to try to help complications be less.  We are super thankful for our anesthesiologist.  He was wonderful!!  And very thorough!  We actually were sent to the Orthopedic Trauma Unit.  We have received excellent care here!!    If you know Zine…you will believe he said this statement.  I’ve been screwed three times over!  Three long screws now reside in his hip!

Zine doesn’t complain but we know he’s hurting when he gets fidgety and says he can’t get comfortable.  Pain meds help him settle down and feel much better.  Tonight he has been quite uncomfortable. But he is beginning to settle down and hopefully will rest well again tonight.

Today was a rough morning as physical therapy came to begin to see how we are going to manage things.  Zine can bear no weight on his leg for at minimum 6 weeks and this was his good leg.  As suspected, his left leg is not able to bear weight nor be of any help.  Which leaves him unable to transfer or do much of anything.  It took two of us to get him to sitting on the side of the bed.   Tomorrow we are going to work at using a transfer board and see if we can transfer that way!  We’ve never used one before and don’t know if he will be able to manage that or not.  But they are going to send two therapists tomorrow and see if they can find a way we can be successful at something.  He is pretty weak right now.  Chemo and now this fall and broken hip is definitely taking its toll.  I asked the therapist today if he thought I was going to be able to take Zine home and he said…let’s see what we can do tomorrow.  But if you do Mrs. Smith, you are going to have to have help and your hands are going to be full.  You have a long road ahead of you!  He was very, very nice.  We talked about our possibilities.  Zine wants to go home.  He does not want to go anywhere else.  I totally understand.  I want him to come home.  But I want to be certain I am able to care for him.  

This afternoon for the first time has been quiet.  Until about 1 today it seems that we have had medical people in and out almost constantly.  But this afternoon, it seemed much quieter.  I was able to get my class ready for the week.  My sub is graciously stepping in for me once again this week and next week is my Spring Break. I just simply feel terrible for my students and families!   I hate to be out as much as I have been.

The emotions are pretty much a roller coaster!  He is frustrated and mad and then he is depressed.  He got himself quite the attitude today for a bit.  But that is all to be expected!  I have been very even killed almost no emotion!  I got upset one time in pre op but that was just because I had just turned over a living will to the hospital and it made me purely sick to my stomach.   I think I have been in shock!  Today I have begun to finally feel some emotion but still not a lot.  I am concerned about what and how we are going to do life…but I just keep saying one step at a time.  And that’s what I tell him.  One step at a time and this is the next step.  So right now, the next step is to try to get some rest.  No clue what the next step is after that but that’s okay…we are going to conquer this step!  And then the next step will emerge.  My faith has been much stronger the past two days than it has been in several many weeks.  I know that’s a result of prayers!  Our focus right now is just one step!!  If I look forward I can quickly become overwhelemed.  But as I told him, we’ve always adjusted and adapted to whatever and this will be no different.   Just one step at a time.

I feel very disconnected from our kids right now not just physically but emotionally too.  So I am very grateful for those that are loving on them right now.

Obviously pray for Zine’s healing, that he would continue to be protected from getting something else or developing pneumonia, and for his emotional well being.    Pray for our entire family as we deal with this stress and the emotions that go along with it.  Also, eating and drinking is very very hard for me right now.  So just pray that I can continue to work on that even in the midst of this.  My brother has been with me this weekend and taking good care of me.  But he left today.  So I know a difficult time is about to ensue!  I’m awful at taking care of myself.

Thank you to our many prayer warriors out there.  There is no way we could have survived without your prayers!!  We love you all!  And thank you to those who have been standing in the gap with us and with our children. If there is ever one thing I can say…I can say without a doubt that we are being loved well!  Thank you to those who are being hands and feet for us!!

Just one step at a time.  And the next step is rest!  So off I go to try to get some rest!!


Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.