Fast Forward…Nov. 5, 2014

Over the years, Zine continued to go to the neurologist and we continued to treat symptoms for the disease.  Yet, he slowly lost skills.  But we just managed life as that was what you do.  Deal with whatever comes.  However, on Nov. 5 at a routine neruology appt. our lives were forever changed once again.  Everything we were doing to treat MS was not working.  We had tried several different MS drugs and MS was still raging in his body.  The doctor said, that if we didn’t do something, Zine’s life would be short.  Folks, we have a 5 year old who needs a daddy!  Drastic measures were definitely in order.

The dr. suggested we begin treating Zine’s MS with chemo. He also ordered a 5 day at home IV of prednisone.   He also decided to send him to an urologist as the meds we were doing weren’t working for the problems he was experiencing.  There are absolutely no words to say about that appt.  The next few days are a blur.  We research which of 3 different chemo drugs we have choice of.  We try to get up and do routine stuff…but we can’t!  Life had fallen apart.  Desperate is a nice word to describe what we felt!

You’ve heard the statement, I feel like I walked around in a fog.  Well, I didn’t totally understand that statement….until Nov. 6.  It took three days before I could even get words out of my mouth without crying.  I couldn’t accomplish any task!  I would walk around my house and just look at stuff.  My children would talk to me and I wouldn’t even comprehend what they said.  I couldn’t do anything without it falling apart.  And I was totally falling apart!!  Oh wait on top of that, I had to take Conner to the dr and he needed an antibiotic.  Krisann is running 101 fever.  And Chloe is all congested!

Faith…oh yes, we have faith! We have been raised in church all our lives.  But where was God in this?  There is no way that God could allow this to be happening to our family.  The family that had already buried so many dreams and now we must face the cold hard fact that without a miracle (which God hasn’t given), that our baby will probably lose her daddy before she graduates from high school…really…God is in that??

I don’t know that we even prayed for a few days!  But God carried us through those days!  Or else I wouldn’t be writing this blog post right now.  We survived and we know that it is only because God carried us.  So although our hearts cried,, God where are you?  Why have you forsaken us?  Why have you forgot about us?  Do you not love us God?  Do you care God?  God was still faithful to carry us through some exceptionally difficult difficult days!

Three days later, I contact the dr to let them know what chemo drug we chose to start with.  Dialing number, shaking, praying that we are making right decision. I have to hold for nurse and guess what I am listening to…

And the voice of truth says, “Do not be afraid!”
And the voice of truth says, “This is for My glory”
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

Voice of Truth

Yes, God was in the middle of the storm.  It didn’t feel like…but God gave us whispers to let us know He was there!


Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.