A B C D F G 1 2 3 Confusion, I have a feeling that title caught your attention. I will get to that explanation in just a minute, but first, I need to update you on our appointments last week.

You pray for us, and I always feel the need to give an update but, to be honest, I have not even wanted to discuss it.  Sometimes we need some processing time of information and emotions.  Other times, we would rather not process and pretend that it didn’t happen.  I think this visit was a combination of both!

There have been some changes in Zine’s health lately.  Most people would never notice, but we see.  I first started recognizing the difficulty in cutting his meat up at dinnertimes.  Often, he has to ask for help with that task.  I never want to do more for him than he needs, but I also HATE to force him to the point he has to ask for help because that is not the best emotional place for him to be.  Therefore, there is a very delicate balance we walk in this place.  Some days we each know that balance well and other days, well, we struggle to see where that balance is.

What I know and what others are beginning to recognize as well, Zine is struggling with his core strength.  Sitting at the table is very hard for him to sit up and lean his head forward to take bites.   Riding in a car is difficult.  It takes all the muscles he has to stay upright around a curve.

Medical Appointments

In the past two weeks, we have had appointments with the neurologist and the oncologist.  In both places, we were faced with the hard facts that Zine has had some regression.  For me, it breaks my heart for him and it breaks my heart to see his abilities decline.  At the neurologist as we discussed the fine motor issues we are seeing, I asked if that was caused by lesions and the answer was yes.  Since this is a new development, it is a reasonable assumption that there are new lesions, which means the disease is regressing.   Therefore, we just really haven’t wanted to speak of this appointment.  I think we are all still processing these big thoughts and big emotions.  Zine even had tears in the doctor’s office this visit and that’s not a regular occurrence.  We do ask for continued prayers as we deal with life.  At this point, the things we deal with are just that…life.  We wish it weren’t our life, but it is.  And God’s grace is sufficient in each moment!  If you ask me about our appointment, tears will come to the surface.  If you ask Zine about the appointment, his response is I have MS!  But there is a calm assurance for each of us, that God is well aware of our situation and He sees, He knows, and He cares.

Not only have we dealt with this emotional disturbance, but I have also been trying to learn my A B C D F G and 1 2 3’s.  I have a new insight into how difficult such simple tasks must be for my dysgraphic/dyslexic child.

A B C D F G 1 2 3 Confusion

As of July 1st, Zine has to transition over to Medicare.  I have spent uncountable hours this week trying to understand this system.  I have had multiple appointments on the telephone with many different people.  One person talks about Part A B and D.  Another person discusses Plan 1 2 or 3.   As I have researched, talked to numerous people, compiled a notebook full of information, I have become more and more depressed and confused.  I have even called my current insurance company and begged to keep Zine on our current policy.  However, to do that, I would pay an exuberant amount of money.

The State of Alabama is not friendly with their policies for those on Medicare under the age of 50.  At the end of the week, I spoke with one of my brother’s friends who is well versed in this A B C D F G 1 2 3 of Medicare.  He used the words I didn’t want to speak, “It appears that you do NOT have a good option!”  Friday night I sat beside my husband with tears in my eyes and said, “I don’t know how we are going to do this.”  Earlier in the week, I uttered those same words, but finished it with, “but I know it will be okay!  I don’t know what okay looks like, but I know it will be okay.”  That sweet man, did just what a husband does for their distraught wife, provided me comfort and then he pulled his computer out and started showing me financial accounts and explaining to me that we can do this.  He worked hard to reduce my overwhelming anxiety.

As the weekend went along, God reminded me

[bctt tweet=”Every appointment is an opportunity for Him to work.” username=”kksmith8694″]

Be on the lookout for another post sharing how God turned my “sketchy” appointment into a God-ordained moment!

But because of that “sketchy” appointment/God-ordained moment, I have some insight into some further research I can do as it relates to A B C D F G 1 2 3 confusion.  I have several more hours of research and I try to determine the best decision as it relates to Zine’s healthcare.  This learning curve and healthcare decision should not be so difficult.

The subtitle on this picture says it all.  We have been in the middle of heartache and blessing at the same time.  I am SO grateful that I have learned,

it is OK to experience heartache and sadness but at the same time recognize God is at work in our lives.

For so long, I did not understand that I could be sad and struggle but still have a strong faith.  I thought that if you had strong faith, then there would be only contentment.  Oh, how that thought process was wrong!

I do ask that you pray that God directs our steps in this place.  When you spend as many dollars on healthcare that we do in a year, this decision is extremely important.  And while I want to be wise on spending, I also don’t want to open us up for exuberant expenses.  I want my husband to take the medicines he needs but I also would like to find cheaper alternatives.  The price tag that is headed our way is enough to make me really need another heart procedure.   As I struggle through the nitty gritty details, I need His direction amidst my confusion!  Also, pray for the emotions in our home.  I have definitely sensed that they are not at their best.  There has been some anxiety, anxiety denied when it is evident, disagreements in relationships, etc.  All are good indicators that the effects of stress are being felt.