Zine made it home from hospital Monday afternoon.  Not only did he make it home, but he made it home with medical appointments galore in the coming days.  I feel like I am about to drown in medical stuff!  Appointments, insurance, pharmacy prescriptions, MRIs, headache specialists, counseling, etc.   

Zine definitely does not feel well.  It has been rough day being back home today! He has slept a good bit.  I, on the other hand, haven’t stopped!  Last night, after we’d been home an hour I’m like…can I please go back to the hospital where I had help!!

I love pictures.  I think they communicate so much more than words.  And that look on my face, it truly says what I felt last night.  I told Zine I thought he could sleep as good in his chair as he did in the hospital bed…he disagreed.  So alas, we are still at home.  We are adapting to being back at home and having no extra help.  We are indeed thankful to be back with our kids.  And I think they are glad for us to be home!  We are exhausted and there is no rest for the weary in the coming days.

Appointments Galore

The Cancer Center is going to be our friends again.  Now, Zine has to be back under the care of an oncologist/hematologist.  His original oncologist retired and a new female doctor took his place.  We miss Dr. G, but Dr. O is a good doctor as well.  Zine has appointment with her on Monday.  There we will receive more details about what to expect.  However, we know many things from past experience though.  Zine also has skilled nursing visits, PT, and OT coming in to our home.  So my house is going to be a revolving door again.  And that is okay!!  In addition to these appointments, he also has to follow up with the primary care doctor and the urologist within two weeks.  Whew!  I know where we will be…either at a doctors office or here with a medical person!

Wednesday afternoon we will be making a trip to Cullman.  He has an appointment with his MS doctor.  We do have some MS things we have been dealing with and anytime we have things going on, visits to the MS doctor can be very unpredictable.  These appointments are just tiring for Zine.  I am expecting tomorrow’s appt to be difficult because Zine is weak already.  So please say prayers for great wisdom on Dr. L’s part.  That we would have peace with whatever wisdom he shares with us tomorrow and that Zine would have renewed strength to make his day.

Being authentic isn’t easy and this season is not beautiful.

Here on our blog, we desire to be authentic with you.  We want you to see that in the middle of stress, God is still glorified in our lives.  However, we also want you to know that we are human.  We make mistakes and our faith is weak at times.  We don’t walk through these seasons of life beautifully.  And to be frank, this season is not beautiful.  Zine looked at me today and said if this is the way life is going to be I quit.  I asked him what that meant or looked like and he simply just shook his head and let tears roll.  We know a lot of truth about God in our minds.  However, to be honest, sometimes it doesn’t feel like truth.  Sometimes it does feel like God has left us and forsaken us.  It feels alone.  It feels that this plan for our lives is not perfect.

However, we are striving to believe truths even when it doesn’t feel true.  I have to remind myself often that when I am struggling to believe, it does not make me a bad person.  It does not mean I am not a good Christian.  It does not mean I am not a child of God.  It simply means I am human and I have emotions.  Zine has emotions.  And if we went through life never experiencing the difficult emotions, then we would not be well rounded people.  We also wouldn’t know God as intimately as we do.  And sometimes, we just have to grieve the losses in life.  As we find ourselves in a grieving season, we need you to cover us in prayer, reach out in love and understanding to us, and not take offense if we say something the wrong way.  It is indeed a grieving season right now.   You can pray that the truths we believe would become so real to us that we would feel those truths in our lives.  Pray that we would continue to speak those truths out loud over our lives and pray that soon those truths would feel true!

We are not drowning.  It just feels that way.  Truth says we will not be overwhelmed because God will be with us.

Isaiah 43:2 reminds me, “I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, and the flame will not burn you.”  The truth is medical appointments nor medical stuff will overwhelm me because God is with me.  The feelings I have right now are most definitely feelings of drowning and being overwhelmed by the waters.  One day however, that truth is going to feel true.  But for now, I will keep speaking that truth over and over and over again.

We are grateful for you!!

Thank you to those who are bringing food over the next week and taking care of Krisann at times as well.  We very much appreciate it.  It truly is a blessing.  There is so much of our lives that we must walk through on our own.  However, when you bless us with even small things, it relieves some stress for us.  Thank you!

Thanks for journeying alongside us as we allow you to see glimpses of our faith and struggles!