Choosing to See Today

Five years ago today at this very moment our lives were in the process of being changed forever.  Our hearts were forever scarred in a matter of minutes!  We weren’t sure how life was going to continue.  Zine and I sat in a neurologist office at Mayo Health Clinic in Rochester, MN and listened to our lives spin out of control.

“You have a type of MS that there is no treatment for.  There are no real clinical trials going on for your type of MS.  The shots that you give yourself daily, they really aren’t of any use.  In 5 to no more than 10 years you will be in a wheelchair full time.”

These words sent our world spinning out of control.  I chose to write updates everyday for those that wanted to follow our journey.  Today as I go back and read notes, there is one thing that comes glaring out at me…God’s fingerprints were all over our lives at the time. Some of the time we recognized His touch in the moment, others weren’t obvious until sometime later.

Most recently, as we have had our world totally fall apart again in November and in December and in May and in August and in October, I think the same is true.  Sometimes we have recognized His touch in the moment.  Other times we haven’t seen His touch.  But just because we haven’t seen His touch doesn’t mean He was not there!

I actually think it has more to do with what we choose to see!  Zine and I don’t always choose to see the best.  We don’t always make the best of a bad situation.  We would rather turn our heads to pain than let God work in those moments.  We would rather function in our own strength rather than letting God work His will in our lives, especially when it involves other people fulfilling His will.  Zine often says, I’m going to die anyway so why bother?!  I sometimes say, I am done!  We both often wonder, how we can keep enduring and keep moving forward.  Weariness is a common place we visit!

But today as I have reflected on the past five years and very much recognized all the fingerprints he left in our lives that week, I have prayed that God would help me choose to see His touch in my life everyday!  I have prayed that as Zine and I continue to walk a very difficult road, that God would help us choose to see Him at work in our lives and respond to Him in the right ways!  I have prayed that in the next month as we make a big decision regarding the next step that His calming presence and His loving touch will be ever-present in our home and in our lives.  I have prayed that our children, who each struggle in their own way, would experience God’s fingerprints in their lives and that they would choose to see His touches!  May we not walk past moments and write them off as coincidence.  May we not avoid pain, because it’s easy.  May we not walk in pride but rather complete humility.  May we not let fear control us!  May we not let anxiety overwhelm us.  May we not waller in the the mud pit of pity.  May we just choose to see in the midst of chaos that God is there and His fingerprints are everywhere if we will only choose to see!  And may we be thankful!  These prayers are not a one time prayer.  These prayers are a daily prayer!


Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.