Today, I welcome Alicia Roberts to the blog. While I cannot directly relate to her story, I know many women will. What I do relate to is that often, it is in the middle of complete brokenness that God breathes into us a new purpose that we would never imagine.
Beauty develops out of brokenness.
Will I Ever Get My Happy Ever After?
Happily, Ever After- How many afters do you get exactly?? In all of the stories that I read growing up, it seemed as if once the girl met her prince charming, they were happy, and life was grand. There was no alternate ending, and of course, I grew up expecting the same could be true for my life.
I grew up in a religious home. I belong to a very traditional Christian family. As young Christian women in my church, we were encouraged not to date too long. Instead, we were encouraged to marry as soon as possible to avoid the potential for sin. Divorce was also not looked upon very highly in the church. So, when it became time to make critical decisions in my life about whether or not to get married or to stay married when the marriage was failing, I struggled.
By the time I was twenty-four, I had gone to college, worked a job in the field I had gone to school for, was independent, and had a good quality of life. There wasn’t much that I yearned for that I could not obtain.
Successful, but where is my happily ever after?
The only thing that I felt was missing at the time was love and companionship. That year I met a man that I fell in love with. Things moved quickly. Not long after the initial courtship, I became pregnant. I was nervous and apprehensive about making our relationship more permanent, but I did not want to be a single mom, so I ignored those feelings and pushed on.
As time progressed, I noticed that he was not the man I once thought he was. There were many inconsistencies and lies, and I began not to trust him. Once the baby was born, we officially moved in together and became serious about our marriage plans. I ignored the red flags and inconsistencies because I did not want to be alone, especially as a new mother.
Domestic Abuse; Not My Happily Ever After
Despite our differences, I believed that we could still achieve the happily ever after fairy tale ending. However, I was mistaken! Less than six months after having my son, I experienced another first in life — I became a victim of domestic violence. The ironic thing is that at the time, I did not even realize that I was experiencing it because part of me felt that I deserved the reaction I received. “If I hadn’t made him so upset, maybe he wouldn’t have reacted that way” was the thought that went through my head at that time. That night was the first and only time of physical abuse; however, many other times filled with verbal and emotional abuse.
I believed all of the “I’m Sorry” and friendly gestures that came after blatant moments of him being manipulative or mean to me because I wanted to believe in him and the fairy tale so badly. I told myself that maybe things were not improving in our relationship because we had not yet gotten married and were “living in sin.” To quit living in sin, we married. For a brief moment, things were quiet, and there was a bit more happiness in our home; however, it was short-lived.
After two years of marriage, I could no longer take the arguing, fighting, manipulation, and verbal abuse. I finally gained enough courage to leave the relationship once and for all, and I filed for a divorce.
Eventually, the chaos in my life began to simmer down. I endured many hardships after leaving but persevered through it all. Although I was disappointed and heartbroken that my marriage didn’t work out and that life had been challenging for a few years, I did not lose hope that I could find true love and lasting companionship. I started dating again and met a man I believed would be a fresh start and my second chance.
The fresh start was fun, and this relationship was an improvement from my last. Things were going so well that we got engaged. We scheduled our wedding date for a year after the engagement to continue to work on ourselves. I’d prayed for God to show me if this relationship was indeed for me. I believed that I had been given the green light from God to proceed even though there were some red flags in this courtship as well.
Although things had improved in this relationship, during the engagement, I began to see some familiar things: gaslighting, jealously, anger, and difficulty with communication that led to frequent arguments. He often expressed his love for me with his words, but his actions were often contradicting. I was confused again. I thought that I had a man who wanted to achieve the same things I did in life. We would have some good times together. However, I had a man who was in denial of his shortcomings.
We postponed our wedding but eventually did get married. Initially, things were pleasant, and only sprinkles of arguments here and there. I loved this man and worked hard to make this second marriage work. Unfortunately, this relationship became too toxic for my son and me to endure. After going back and forth for years and trying to make it work, I had to leave.
“Why is this happening again?” “Why, Lord, would you allow me to suffer again?” “Am I not capable of being a good wife?” Those were questions that kept going through my mind. All I wanted was to be in a happy and loving relationship. Was that too much to ask? I wondered, what was wrong with me? Was I not worthy of being someone’s wife? I began to believe all of the negative things they said to me, and my self-esteem dropped even lower. I was broken, disappointed, ashamed, sad, afraid, and confused about why God would allow this again.
One thing that I discovered during my last marriage was a strong desire to help women who may have suffered from anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. I wanted to help them persevere and overcome the negative mindsets that kept them stuck in life. I wanted to write an inspirational book and become a mentor, but I didn’t know how to do it or what I would even say. Now I know that God was placing that desire in my heart, and soon I would discover my purpose, but I had to experience a few more things before I was ready to go forth.
After leaving my last relationship, I was ready for a significant change in life. I’d always wanted to move to the southeast corridor of the U.S. I dreamed about it often. One day out of the blue, I received a call from a recruiter telling me about a job in North Carolina. I decided to pursue it and got the job! With hesitation, I made the bold move to North Carolina without knowing anyone in the city that I was going to. I asked God to direct my path and show me if I was making the right choice. He did just that!
The move was not easy, and I had several conversations with God about what I should do next, but it was the blessing that I needed. I stepped out on faith, and God supplied every need. I began to meet new people, try new things, and most importantly, I had time to heal from my relationship wounds. During this time, I was also able to work on my purpose. I started writing and eventually created a devotional to inspire women to have confidence, faith and lead a life of prosperity. My vision became more transparent, and I began my business, The Confident Lily. Lily represents rebirth, change, and beauty, and that is precisely what I wanted to embody. I now have a devotional, journals, a coloring book for women, a blog, and I am a Certified Life Coach.
Wow! I never would’ve believed that in less than two years of making a giant leap of my life that all of this would’ve happened! Sometimes God indeed has us go through difficult times for a purpose. My purpose was to help other women.
I could not have done it in the mindset and situations I was previously in. Do I wonder if I will ever get married again and find my “happy ever after”? Yes! The difference is that I have learned to love myself more and be patient. I’ve learned to follow God’s direction and let him bring me the happiness I need and deserve. I trust Him now more than ever!
Alicia Renee’ has faced her fair share of obstacles, but perseveres in the face of adversity and empowers other women to do the same. She has successfully balanced life as a single mom, working in Corporate America, obtaining an MBA, and serving her community through church work and as a member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority, Incorporated. Her commitment to helping others achieve their goals inspired her to become a best-selling author, blogger, and certified confidence and empowerment coach. In 2020, she founded The Confident Lily, a personal development company that equips women all over the world to find their personal power.
You can connect with Alicia here:
www.instagram.com/
