When the Cry Box Turned Over

Can I just say that my cry box has been turned over!  And my family will tell you I hardly ever cry!  I actually absolutely hate to cry!  And even worse than crying is to cry in public places!  Yes, I have a friend that cries at everything…not me!  I’ve prided myself on the fact that I don’t cry.  I don’t cry at movies.  I don’t cry when I read books.  I can stand beside a friend who is crying non stop and not cry.  Just not my personality…but then on occasion…those tears start flowing and then they don’t stop for awhile!   That happened today!  Uuughhhh!!!

As I was just telling Zine about my complete come apart today, we discussed the reasons why.  After I voiced them to him, well, no wonder I cried today.  Not to mention the obvious issues of living with a husband who has MS and on chemo and a daughter who struggles with depression and muscular dystrophy, here is what the past 24 hours looked like…

–Found out Chloe is likely going to have surgery to remove a growth on her thumb that has grown quickly over the past three weeks.  And it is causing her much pain.  Pediatrician scheduled her with an orthopedic hand doctor.
–Took my TMJ splint to be resurfaced.  Went back into town several hours later to pick it up only to find out that in the process my splint was warped and no longer fit my mouth.
–Had to have new impressions made—which I absolutely hate!
–Have to purchase a new mouth splint!
–Got a phone call that my dad had been taken by ambulance to the hospital.  He’s fine now!  He got some medicine in a doctors office that turned out he was allergic to which caused a HUGE scare.  Worried so much about my mom in that process, but God was good and sent people to care for her, but know she was so scared.

All that in a matter of 5 hours yesterday!  Tomorrow, Krisann has an allergy dr. appt which there are no words to say how much I dread that!!!  It’s going to be traumatic to the bazillionth degree!  Zine has to go to The Cancer Center tomorrow for an appt.  Thank goodness, it’s not chemo time yet!!  Then Krisann has a follow up with her ENT from where her ear drums ruptured.  So I’m sure I’m dreading some of that tomorrow as well.

But for today, I was looking forward to going and getting my massage!  I am a HUGE believer in them!  Some weeks, they are what keep me going.  And they definitely help reduce the knots in my overly stressed shoulders and neck!  But when I got up this morning, I was quite teary eyed.  On and off all morning I struggled to hold back tears.  And then…getting my massage…the cry box turned over.  Uuughhhh!!  I tried so hard to not let the tears roll down my cheeks!  I kept blowing up to try to dry the tears!  But the tears rolled.  And when they started rolling, I couldn’t make them stop!  Poor Mr. Tony!!  Tonight I feel so sorry for him.  I”m sure he was like what do I do with this woman who is falling totally apart right here!   Needless to say, I left his office still crying.  I sat in the driveway for about 15 minutes simply trying to pull it together!  And ever since then, the tears have flowed freely on and off!  Yep, no make up left to wash off tonight!

Took Krisann to watch her have her first practice as Fantasy Jr.  Yep felt the tears coming up in my eyes as I watched the sweet girl!!  Had to go to the bathroom for a minute!  Thank goodness, they didn’t just roll and roll while I was there!!!!

My eyes burn!  My eyelids are swollen.  I am tired.  I am fretting over tomorrow.  But I was looking for a picture to add to my blog so that when I post it, there will be an image attached and not this little tool icon.  Think I should take a blogging class so I could learn how to really do this blogging idea!  And here’s what I found…

I just fell in love with this quote.  Crying makes me feel weak and undone!  But if there is anything I can share with others as I traverse this path of life we unexpectedly found ourselves on…I want people to know it is okay to struggle.  It is okay to cry.  It does not make you less of a person or less of a Christian.  It is okay to not like where you are in life!  It is okay to be sad!  You can do those things and still be a Christian.  A good Christian.  If I struggle with this idea, I know others do too!  So…I want people to see me and know that I have a strong faith, I love Jesus, but definitely have emotions that overflow sometimes and that’s okay!  So if you think faulty thoughts like I do, please be encouraged!  You are not alone!  And I do NOT think you are a “bad” Christian or a weak person!  


Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.