Too Young for This!!

As I said yesterday….everyday is different.

Today Zine has been miserable miserable miserable.  He has a horrible UTI.  Last night at 10 pm he was so miserable our sweet nurse called the on call doctor for orders to give him something.  But even today, he is just miserable.  We are pretty sure he needs a different antibiotic but unfortunately it takes 72 hours for the culture to grow to know which antibiotics are effective!  So on Monday we should know which antibiotic to treat with…but for the time being, he is miserable.  Today’s therapy was a bit easier than it has been earlier.  Weekend crew just doing some basic therapy.  He’s getting to be a professional with that transfer board from the chair to bed!  We have managed a bath in the bed the past two days and I think we’ve made a great team!

Chloe and I both had scheduled eye drs. appt this afternoon.  I had promised the doctor I would get my eyes tested before I came back and saw him and my time is running out.  He said going 8 years between eye exams was totally unacceptable.  Chloe needs reading glasses.  And I about fainted when the doctor said, are you ready for bifocals???  For a moment I felt sheer panic.  No…..I am much too young for bifocals!  But no wonder I can’t see to do these awesome coloring books.  And no wonder I can’t see road signs until I get very close!!

I am much too young to be sitting in rehab with my husband.  Most of the people here I assure you don’t have children at home!!  They are in the grandparenting years.  So yes, I am much too young for this too!

Zine is much too young to use a wheelchair all the time.  Much to young to have a broke hip.  Much to young to go on disability.

My son is much too young to look at me and say “Mom, you and dad have always said you were rearing adults not raising children.  You just didn’t know it would be for such a time a this but God did.”

My 15 year old is much too young to cry tears because her security level has been rocked to its very core.  Her heart is overflowing with overwhelming emotions but because she’s trying to be big and brave, she unfortunately has to hold it in way too much!

My 6 year old is much too young to fear that her dad is going to die one day.  She is much too young to grow up in hospitals and be as comfortable with them as she is.

We are definitely feeling too young to be going through what we are going through.

I think this picture pretty well sums up our week.  I saw it on Facebook and just knew it would be a great picture to use sometimes.  I think this is the week for this picture.

But even in this process of complaining that we are too young for this, there are some polar opposite statements to these.  Because of what we are going through…God is working in our lives.

Because I am sitting in rehab with Zine, God has strengthened our marriage and made it sweeter. God has allowed us to be totally broken together and on the “same team” so to speak.   God has given Zine a new view of how much his wife needs him! We will not go into the details of the complete come apart that ensued for this realization to be made so vivid in his mind.  And God has given me a new view of how strong my husband is.  Not only to watch him physically work with everything he has, but also to watch him love me well despite my imperfections and crazy emotions, and to watch him make hard decisions because that’s what needs to happen!

My son is understanding at a greater depth what it means to be responsible.  He is also knowing when it is time to step up to the plate and help with decisions and offer great wisdom.

My girls are developing a closer sister bond because of this season.  All three of them are having new experiences together.

My 15 year old is learning to share emotions a little at the time and not be overwhelmed and fall apart for hours on end through this situation.

My 6 year old is learning that we make the most of life we are given.  It doesn’t always go like we want it to, but our job is to make the best of the situation.  That’s a hard lesson for a 6 year old.

Our children are getting to see their parents broken and they are seeing hurting hearts but devoted hearts in the difficult moments.  Our children are getting to see the meaning of what it means to love in sickness and in health.

So yes, our entire family is broken hearted, but I can also see how God is developing good things in each of us as we walk through this season.

But we would still rather not be here and rather not be in this place in life.  Pray specifically for us tomorrow.  Easter is making us all sad because of how we have always celebrated Easter.  Chloe and Zine seem to be the most affected by this for sure.  But I think there are three kids making a resurrection cake tonight and I can’t wait to see pictures.  I bet it is awesome!!  And Zine is doing his best not to think about it!

Pray for us as we put our calendars together tomorrow and look into next week.  Pray that details will come together smoothly and we will be able to work everything out to be a somewhat normal life for our kids.  Praise Jesus I am on spring break next week.  Didn’t plan on spending spring break like this…but maybe it was God’s gift to me.


Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.