I have way too much going on in my life right now.  I have way too many emotions all in my heart. Somehow, I find everyday the strength I need to get through each day.  And lately, I know it is His strength in me!  If you know me, you know one of my favorite verses is 2 Corinthians 12:9.

My grace is sufficient for you.  My strength is made perfect in your weakness.

God’s strength is made perfect in my weakness.

I am confident that over the past two weeks His strength has been made perfect in my weakness.  His strength has been displayed in Arkansas, in my emotions, in my children, and in my heart!

Two weeks ago, I slipped away to Arkansas for a week.  There are absolutely no words for how difficult and emotional that week was.  My dad is recovering from knee surgery.  But more than that, my dad was barely hanging on the end of the rope emotionally.  So not only did I spend my week taking him to doctors and caring for him, I spent much time encouraging and loving him well.  There’s nothing as heartbreaking as watching my strong daddy seem weak and worn down.   Pray for him that his physical body would heal, that his spiritual walk will be strengthened with that strength that is made perfect in our weakness, that his energy level would be sustained as he caregives for my mom, and for comfort as he watches his wife of 52 years continue to decline.

My mom…well…that is her body that walks around, but my mom no longer exists in her body.  There is nothing about her that is my mom.  My mom was beautiful, an eloquent speaker, full of compassion for others, organized and content!  These days my mom gets her fair fixed at the beauty salon on Fridays and my dad talks all day about how beautiful she is when she gets her hair fixed. But she no longer knows how to care for her own hair.  She can’t communicate at all.  Most of the time I just guess as to what she must be saying.  Her words aren’t even all words anymore…they are parts of different words put together and they make no sense.  There is absolutely nothing organized about my mom’s house anymore.   My mom always made the best of every situation she found herself in and now she wakes up crying and begs you to take her home.  She sits in the car and wants to go somewhere.  I’m never sure where and often she’s not either.   I told her one afternoon her car was broke down.  Next thing I know she is taking a hike up the road!  Whoa!  Guess I shouldn’t have said her car was broke down!

God’s strength was definitely made perfect in me while I was in Arkansas.  I could have never accomplished all I accomplished without Him at work in my life.  Without His strength I would not have handled everything with much mercy and grace.  His presence was in my emotional well being as I never felt like I was falling apart emotionally.  Yes, I had difficult moments, but not moments of feeling like I was suffocating.  God allowed me to get back to Alabama before I fell apart!

Monday was a very, very bad day.  I felt sad, overwhelmed, unheard, unloved, misunderstood, uncertain, and afraid numerous times throughout my day.  Tears were ever present all day long.  Cooking dinner Monday night, I am trying to cut broccoli up and I literally could not see to cut the broccoli through the tears.  Finally, I just stopped, I came over to Zine’s recliner, crawled up in his lap and sobbed.  I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed.  My children watched the hurt and pain pour out of my heart and my eyes.   There was no holding it in anymore.  And there were no words that could ease the pain.  Even Krisann who has a word for everything…had no words.  But she sure hugged on my back and held onto my leg while I sobbed.  Conner said, I know I can’t talk people out of being sad, so I will just hug you while you’re sad.

When there are no words for a grieving heart, there is His quiet strength in your heart so that you can wipe the tears away, freely accept comfort from others, and then put your feet back on the floor and cook dinner.

Krisann went with me to Arkansas.  She’s a wonderful road partner.

Aside from Arkansas and my parents…

There is also too much going on in the life of my immediate family!

Chloe is not well.  She has an appointment on Monday with a specialist for her headaches.  We are earnestly praying that she will find some relief.  There is nothing I want more than to have my girl well again.  Or at least mostly well.  She gets a good day here and there but otherwise, she’s just not well.  My mama heart is getting concerned about my sweet girl.

Zine has rejoined the family and his fatigue level hasn’t been as awful as it was last year.  Of course, he’s not been out much!  To battle some of the depression, we decided to try going to church on Sunday.  And can I just say…we may never go back!  We both got to face another one of our greatest fears…Zine stuck in bathroom needing help and the door is locked with no key to be found and he is not able to get to the door.  I’ve always been terrified of that happening in public restrooms.  So on Sunday, it happened.  It was truly a terrible experience.  Horrifying experience.  No way I could or would ever share all the details but it turned out to be quite a circus on the my side of the door trying to get inside to him.  The end result, the door was finally broken into, I was able to get to Zine, and he and I both survived the experience, but not before we had to face a fear in our hearts.

So for me, I have felt there was way too much going on at one time!  However, amidst the chaos and craziness, His quiet strength has been made perfect in my weakness!