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Running on Empty

Running on empty.  Myself and my car.  There is never a good time for my car to be empty nor do I have time to feel worn down.  Unfortunately, both have happened this week!

Headaches and ER

Chloe’s neurologist sent her to the ER Monday night for some extra help in getting rid of a headache she has been battling for two solid weeks.  That girl had fought and fought and fought.  But she came to the end of herself Monday.  We were out of options at home to treat headache.  She had suffered for quite some time.  So neurologist said a hospital visit was necessary.  I took the girl in looking like this:  sunglasses and ear plugs.

They tried a new drug this time.  It was an hour long infusion.  About half way through, Chloe said I feel like sitting up.  She’s been out of her bed very little for two weeks.  So this was a good sign.  In a little bit a crack in the door let in some light and Chloe said I kinda like the light.  So in a few more minutes, I asked if we could turn the light on. She agreed.  So this is what I left the hospital with…a girl that feels SO much better!

Our hospital stay was about 6 hours this time.  No admission.  Just an ER visit and progress.  I had an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness that they helped my girl!  And then I had this hope that maybe we were making progress in treating her headaches.  Yesterday, she was just exhausted.  No wonder!  After battling headache for two weeks and then the whole ER ordeal.  Not to mention, just putting medicines in her body causes side effects like crazy.  So even though her head was better, this was my girl most of yesterday.  She was happy but if she tried to do anything, this is what happened.  She would just sit down wherever she might be.   So needless to say she spent yesterday just letting her body recover.

Hospice phone calls often change my day!

A little after lunch yesterday my phone rang and it was my hospice nurse for my parents.  Y’all I can never tell all that we deal with on a daily basis with my parents.  It is heartbreaking.  I know everyone gets to take care of their parents at some point, but it is so difficult!  Needless to say, the rest of my afternoon was consumed by my parents, hospice nurse, brothers, and sitters.  I understand why my mom was so afraid of this disease after watching her own mom suffer with it.  I can only ask for prayer for great wisdom.  My desire is to love my parents well in their last season of life.  Unfortunately, knowing exactly how to do that is not always dictated to me nice and neat.  I feel often like I’m flailing around just praying that what I’m doing would be loving well and begging for God’s wisdom to be written in the hearts of my brothers and I.  Needless to say, after yesterday, today I spent some time visiting some places around here trying to educate myself on our options.  There is no perfect option…that’s what I have decided.  At this point, heaven is a wonderful option!  Often, I find myself praying that Jesus would just return and just take us all home!

Help me texts are never a welcome sight.

Tonight I met a friend at church and we were working on a project together.   In the middle of filling out some paperwork with her, I receive a text from Zine…Not hurt but I’m in the floor.  I don’t often leave him at home alone.  But often on Wednesday nights he is alone for a few hours.  One of those times that I need two of me.  One to stay at home with him and one to take Krisann to church!  So I hurriedly tell my friend we will have to finish this project later.  I head home.  I call my teenagers to come home because I can’t get Zine up by myself anymore.  And then I think…Krisann!!  So I text a friend to bring Krisann home.  And then…my gas gage looks like this!
I knew I needed gas.  I planned to get it after church.  I know, I know I should never let my gas tank get this low.  My parents have preached to me many times about this.  And tonight, my husband in the floor, and I on my way home, remember I was almost out of gas.  I look down and sure enough, it has not miraculously filled itself.  I have to stop and get gas so I can get home to Zine.  I identify with this feeling of being empty!

Heavenly Kiss in the middle of emptiness.

My heart has been hurting with Chloe and her health battles.  The stress of caring for my parents in this season is overwhelming and consuming at times.  I have been concerned about Zine as something just doesn’t seem right.  I can’t put my finger on it and know for sure what it is but he just doesn’t seem well.  At first I thought he was depressed, but now…I’m wondering if we’re missing something.  Grateful he has a doctors appt next week!  Tonight on my way home to a husband in the floor, I was telling God how empty I was feeling!  Circumstances sucking the life out of me.  My time in the Word has been lacking.  Sleep has been sketchy lately.  My relationships with others have been lacking.  In the middle of telling God how empty I was feeling, I topped a hill and saw the most beautiful sunset I have seen in quite some time.

The sky was a beautiful purple.  The sun was so large.  It was breath taking!  Not only did the beauty capture my attention, but God captured my attention.  God put the sun in the sky.  He caused the sun to set today in a beautiful fashion.  And God orchestrated my life so that I would see that beautiful sunset.  It was just a kiss from Jesus for me tonight!  It immediately calmed my heart as I finished my trip home.

I’m grateful that I”m at a place in my life where I can receive those kisses from Jesus in the middle of empty!  That has not always been true.

My car has gas!  And I have spent some time this evening with Jesus, asking Him to fill my heart!  I don’t like empty!


Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.

This Post Has One Comment

  1. Karen Alexander

    This is exactly what we talked about at church on Sunday. Life is a chaotic journey and at times more chaotic for some more than others. These distractions keep us from Hearing His Voice. But as the Good Shepherd he is there always leading His sheep. Like sheep we just need to really listen to His voice especially when we fill lost or alone. Your sunset was His voice to you. Luckily you heard it.

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