I know some of you have been wondering what is up in our lives.  This post is about giving you updates and glimpses into the many different moments in our lives.  It’s been awhile since I have done a family update.

Health Updates

Life seems to be a relatively quiet season as it relates to Zine’s health. I took him out last Thursday morning for a couple of hours and needless to say, he slept all afternoon.  Fatigue most definitely remains an issue.  His fine motor skills are becoming extremely difficult.  He tried to choose chopsticks, which he loves to do, and that was a no go!  Buttoning, zipping, and holding onto objects are becoming increasingly more difficult as time goes on.  However, we think overall he’s doing well.

Chloe’s new celiac diagnosis and change of lifestyle in her eating habits have made a difference.  My child doesn’t spend her entire life in bed now.  She is now among the living.  We have not seen a decrease in headaches, but we will take a general overall feeling better.  The brain fog that she has walked around in for quite some time now has been subsiding as well.  She can carry on a conversation these days.  We are grateful for even small improvements.

Since my heart ablation, I had been doing wonderfully.  However, three weeks ago, I began to have problems again.  I am currently wearing a heart monitor and have times when my heart bothers me a lot, and I just feel pretty rotten.  Then the issues will go away and I will feel better for a while.  I will know more this coming week.  In the meantime, I remain hooked up!  Four of those electrodes on my chest in various places.  They are not my favorite things in the world.  But I’m not complaining!  I want wisdom and insight.

Moments of Loss and Grief

There are a lot of things that I don’t blog about!  Every time someone says, I love how open you are I find myself trying hard not to laugh.  I want to say, “if you only knew…”

However, a large part of my life lately has been dealing with loss and grief.  It surfaces on a daily basis.  As we navigate the waters of mom being gone, the problems continue to escalate.  Life hasn’t gotten any easier.

In some ways, I think I am just now beginning to come to the reality that my mom is gone and she’s not coming back.  For a while, I found myself thinking (wishing), she was going to return and make all things right again.  Life was so much calmer and more peaceful when she was around!  I miss her so much!  I would even take a crazy mixed up conversation with her.

This morning someone shared with me how they were going home because their mom had died.  They even expressed their fear of seeing their mom in a casket.  Wow, as I began to share with this person that there are no words for seeing your mom in a casket, my tears start to fall.  As I tried to offer comfort, the words that kept coming out of my mouth were I couldn’t have done it, but God did it through me.  I walked up to a casket with my dad and brothers, desperately desiring that it wasn’t real, and gave approval to the funeral home for her viewing.  There aren’t any words for moments like these.  However, God’s strength is made perfect in our weakness.   As I shared words of comfort and encouragement this morning, I was once again reminded of His power in my weakness.

Some Fun and Some Tender Moments

Thought I would share some recent snapshots of some fun moments and some tender moments in our lives.

God Moments

God has been at work in my heart.  He has been convicting me, challenging me, and transforming me to be more like Him.  What is He up to?  I would love to know.  I’ve gone to some deep, dark, difficult places in the past two months and have been allowing God to speak His truths into some lies I have believed for most of my life.  My self-confidence is returning, and my self-condemnation is being kicked to the curb.  I have been focusing on sitting in God’s presence and allowing Him to minister to my heart instead of me telling God what He should do!  God is giving me a vibrant love for Him again.  It has been such a difficult season, but God is making beauty from ashes!  My job is to continue to lean into Him and trust His process.  His ways are NOT my ways.  However, I believe I am beginning to see some of the paths He has made in the desert.  I am excited about what God is doing in my life and in the life of my family.  He is definitely doing a new thing!

You guys know that music ministers to my heart.  I leave you with a song that I have listened to many times lately!  Enjoy!