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Headache Clinic, Graduation, 7 year anniversary

Headache Clinic

Tomorrow the girls and I will travel to LeBonheur Children’s Hospital in Memphis for an appointment with a team of doctors in their brand new headache clinic.  We are not totally prepared for what to expect at this appointment other than we know there will be several medical professionals that Chloe will see.

Chloe had a few good days with no headache after her last trip to the ER.  Which by the way seems like an eternity ago!  (Not often I frequent a hospital twice in one week like I did with her on a Monday and Zine on Friday!)  However, the past few days she has been struggling again.

Poor girl tried so hard to remain part of the graduation festivities at our house but I could tell she was just miserable!  It must be awful to desire to be a part of events that are important to your family but just plain and simple not feel like it.  Either it causes headache to be worse or it is just over stimulating for her and sometimes its both!

No Processing Time for Me

From taking Chloe to ER, Zine being sick for two weeks then finally taking him to hospital and him having pulmonary emboli in both lungs and the stress of that life event, adding extra medical appointments, to finishing up some end of the year school stuff, to preparing for graduation for Conner, I have had no time to breathe, much less process any emotions.  Zine says I am struggling with getting older as well.  I definitely do not like the idea that I am old enough to have a grown child!!!  That is a lot of stuff to process.  Not only that, I have had some pretty significant people whom I have really had to spend some time grieving lately.  People whom have loved me well in the past but are no longer part of my life.  Sometimes, these losses consume me, and I hate when things consume my entire life.  Because of those losses and consuming thoughts, it has been significantly affecting my relationships with some that desire to be in my life today.  So I had some pretty intense counseling sessions this week as we dived into that very issue.  Needless to say, by Friday I was quite emotional.

Missing my mama

I was super grateful that Zine’s parents were able to come to Conner’s graduation.  But to be honest, it was really difficult for me.  It was really hard for me to not be angry that they were able to come yet my parents were not.  Thursday afternoon and Friday morning, I had some pretty difficult counseling sessions that caused my eyes to leak much!  Then Friday night I cried because I plain and simple missed my mama.  I love my mother in law…don’t get me wrong…but mamas just know how to relate to their children.  And my mama would have known exactly what to do when she walked in my house.  Not only would she have known what to do, she would have brought a sense of security in my life.  If you know my  mama, you know she ruled the roost and when she was present everything was in order!  Although I hated that often as a child, it brought much security into my life.  And that…I am definitely missing in my life right now.   I stood in the bathroom Friday night and cried and cried.  Poor Zine doesn’t cry with people often, but he cried with me Friday night.  His heart was broken for me. Finally, I said I’m going to cook.  So at 11:00 pm, I went into my kitchen and cooked just to be busy and try to settle my heart.


I think Conner had a great day!  I haven’t really talked much to him about it!  We had extended family here.  Then we had graduation.  And then a drop in reception afterwards.  So by the time the day was over, I was done and he left today for an overnight welcome retreat and registration time at college!  I looked for a small homeschool covering when Conner started Kindergarten.  He struggled with an immune deficiency and I needed a place that had less germs.  In a God ordained event, we started Asbury school. As our director said in graduation, Conner was a lifer!  Asbury has blessed me over and over again through out his school career.  His actual graduation was a very special ceremony.  Yes, he graduated with a total of 4 people.  However, that didn’t make it less real!  The good news is the only time I cried was when he presented me with a rose as part of the graduation ceremony.  I was afraid I was going to be a basket case all day!!  Enjoy a few pictures of our special day!

Graduation Party

I almost didn’t have a graduation party just because I didn’t think I had the bandwidth to do it.  However, an older, wiser woman in my life told me not to cancel it and she willingly helped me with some of the cooking.  And my niece Caitlin…she rocked it.  She made some delicious cupcakes.  She planned the menu, made the grocery list, and everything.  On Friday afternoon she and Conner’s girlfriend Sarah blessed me tremendously!!  They cooked here all afternoon!  These ladies made Conner’s party the success it was.  It was a privilege to have those who have played parts in Conner’s life to come and celebrate with him.  Here’s some more pictures for you to enjoy!

 7 year anniversary

Saturday also marked the 7 year anniversary of Zine’s MS diagnosis.  Anniversaries are hard!  Zine said last night, he was so grateful he didn’t know 7 years ago everything we would have been through up until now.  Looking back can make you fearful of what’s ahead.  I can give you the sweet Christian answer that God’s grace is sufficient because it is!  But in reality, knowing what we’ve been through looking back just raises tons of fear of what will come in the next 7 years.  Will he be alive in 7 years is at the top of my list of questions!  So as you can imagine, an anniversary of his diagnosis, evokes many emotions!!

Whew…that is a lot for just a couple of days!

Whew!  There is so much information in this update that one would think it had been a month since I wrote…but nope! Just a couple of days!  And there’s going to be that much information for the next couple of days as well. So pray for strength and stamina for all of us, but especially for me because I’m the one that gets to keep up with each one in my family so there’s been no down days lately!  Pray for wisdom for doctors tomorrow at headache clinic.  Be in prayer for Zine’s dr. appt with oncologist/hematologist on Tuesday.  Pray for safety as I travel with my girls tomorrow.  Pray for safety for Zine while I am away.  I’m not comfortable leaving him!  I do have a man coming to visit with him for a bit.  But Zine will still have some alone time!  And he’s okay with that, but I’m not comfortable with that!  Tomorrow is one of those days where I need three of me.  One with Zine, one with Chloe and one with Conner at his preregistration days at UAH!  So pray for my heart as well to not feel so torn!  And as God prompts you to pray in different ways, please do so!  Once again, thank you for being our prayer partners and joining with us in our journey!



Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Paige

    We loved the party. Glad it was a special day for your family and Connor.

    1. kksmith8694

      So glad you were able to join us! Praying for you and your mission trip!!

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