Difficult Monday

Today has been a difficult day.  I won’t write much tonight.  But we have seen all 3 of our doctors here today.  It was so nice to see our oncologist today.  Finally, a familiar medical face made us feel good!!  Zine’s pain is manageable with meds.  About 30 minutes to an hour before it is time to take them, he begins to get uncomfortable.  

The doctor wants Zine to move to rehab for awhile.  Without using his right leg, he is quite immobile!  It is definitely a HUGE challenge to do anything right now.  I went and toured the only facility that my insurance will pay for.  And I left totally heartbroken.  I do NOT want that.  It is the perfect set up for Zine to catch the flu or any other number of things.  Not to mention, I am exceptionally concerned that his emotional state will be worse after going there.  And I think my children would be really upset if I came home without their daddy.  And….I simply do not function too well without him!
However, going home will be very difficult.  It will require some extra help!  Conner will definitely have to do way more than any son should have to.  We will have to help from others as well to bring him home.  And if something were to happen and I should let him fall again, I would be soooo mad at myself for bringing him home.  And in times of frustration and stress, it often causes marriage struggles.  So…that has entered our minds as well.  Is our marriage ready for such a huge task??
So we have no clue what the best decision is.  We are very conflicted.  After my fall apart with our nurse this afternoon, she suggested that I call Dr. L and see what he thinks about it all.  I thought that was very wise advice!
The PT will be back early and we will see if can transfer any easier and if he can transfer uphill.  And we will call Dr. LaGangke.  At that point, we will have to make our decision.  So please just pray that we would have great wisdom!  Or that Dr. LaGanke will have a strong preference.
And pray for both of our emotional states!  They have been very bad this evening.  Zine has struggled immensely since this happened.  He has been very frustrated and angry.  However, we have both cried ALOT this evening.  I had a friend bring me some dinner about 8 tonight and she visited for a bit.  And when she left, Zine said, I need her to come back.  While she was here, I forgot all this heartache!  But as soon as she walked out, it all flooded right back to the surface!  
Cherishing prayers right now!!  


Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.

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  1. Renee


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