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What do you do when life throws you curve balls?  For some, they become paralyzed.  For others, they fight hard against the curveballs being thrown at them.  The sad part is sometimes we fight against the good things God is trying to do in our life as well.  How would you describe yourself?  Frozen in one spot, paralyzed or two fists raised ready to fight the good and the bad?

A couple of curveballs around here

We have had a couple of unexpected curveballs around here that we are trying to wrap our heads around.  The tricky part in these seasons of curveballs is that we respond differently around here.  Zine and Chloe become paralyzed in their surroundings.  Conner and I are fighters.  And Krisann, I’m not sure where I would classify her.  She has always marched to the beat of her own drum so I think she may have her own reaction to curveballs that we aren’t able to label just yet.  Can I just say when we process so differently it leads to relationship difficulties?!  

Curveball #1

My dad.  We’ve known for about eight months that he had Alzheimer’s Disease.  A couple of months ago, we had him evaluated for hospice, and he qualified.  Hospice was such a blessing as we navigated that illness with mom.  There are days that he is good, and then there are days that he is way more forgetful. One never knows what he is going to grasp hold of and remember for days upon days.  Then other things, he can’t recall at all.  However, admitting that he is sick has been difficult for me. I’ve wanted to believe dad was simply grieving and depressed.

Curveball #2

Last week, dad became dizzy and took a fall.  Since then, he has required the use of oxygen and a walker.  A new season for him is occurring.  What we didn’t know until hospice retained a copy of his medical records was that he was in heart failure.  This week we were told he is in the moderate stages of heart failure.  He doesn’t have enough air to get from one side of the house to the other.  With some medicine changes, we hope to help some symptoms, but oxygen and a walker will be with him for the remainder of his time.  I have wanted so badly to make a trip to Arkansas this week to see my dad and check on him myself.  However, curveball #3 kept me from doing what I wanted.

Curveball #3

This little curveball I have tried my best to keep a secret.  However, the word is beginning to surface, so I decided I better mention it here.  I know how words from one person to another person to another person goes.  

As many of you know, I have struggled with an eating disorder for several years now.  I actually have come to the understanding, I’ve probably had an eating disorder my entire life, but I have been able to manage it until life became stressful.

In the last few months, I have struggled once again.  I am NOT about to die.  I am NOT deathly sick.  Albeit, I am skinny, and I don’t feel well, but I’m not dying.  A big issue is the number of foods I put in my mouth.  I’ve gone from being exceptionally picky to only eating about the same five foods.  Foods I used to eat, I no longer eat.  And I didn’t have much of a food variety, to begin with.

After a little outside influence or maybe some threatening, it was decided that I should get some extra help in learning to better battle this eating disorder.  So…that’s what I’m doing.  I will be going through a program in Birmingham that is known for working with those who avoid food.  

Yes, it will turn our lives upside down for a bit, but in the long run, I hope to love food again.  I feel a bit defeated going into this, but I’m letting others believe big things for me!

Did you miss the big announcement?

In case you missed the big announcement, it might not be a curveball, but I signed with a literary agent from Wordwise Media Services.  I’m “nerva-cited.”  Krisann’s word for nervous and excited.  This contract has been in the works long before I started struggling again with my eating.  Back in July, we started this process.  When the agent and I started visiting, we decided a great book would be how to love others in the middle of eating difficulties.  I began working that direction.  I remember saying, I don’t think I’m qualified to write that book because I still have seasons of struggle with my eating.  The response I heard:  “That’s what makes you the perfect person to write this book.”  Little did I know at the time, I was about to encounter another battle with my eating.

When curveballs come, often we are forced to let others care for us.

I’m not sure if that’s easy for you, but for me allowing others to care is super duper difficult.  God continues to point out my pride in this area.  Might I just add a big thank you to those that care for us well.  Your caring is what has helped me learn how to love and be loved in the middle of difficult seasons, which is the fuel for the book proposal that now sits in the hands of my literary agent.  However, I know that through this season God is giving me even more experiences of what it looks like to love others well.

Curveballs create a crisis in our faith.

I would love to say these curveballs, have been welcomed.  Unfortunately, they have not.  They’ve been creating a crisis in my faith.  I have been fighting with these curveballs.  Someone reminded me today, curveball #3 is not to harm me, but to help me.  So why was I fighting?    

Curveballs lead us to a choice…do I trust God or not?

I had to preach to my daughter the other day but was the first to admit I was preaching to myself.  At every step in this journey to the program in Bham, there was nothing but confirmation.  Repeatedly, it felt like God said, “This is the way, walk in it.”  So as I was sharing this truth with her, God led my mind to this question…do I trust God or not?  If He has shown me the way, then my choice is simple trust or not trust.  Karen Smith’s logic says trust is a lot more difficult than it sounds.

What have curveballs in your life taught you?  

I’d love to hear some lessons you’ve learned when curveballs came into your life.