Classified Information

We have been in the middle of a Cold War at my house so we have been silent.  Silent in a lot of ways.  We don’t often reveal classified information!  But after a long week, I have been given clearance to share this classified information.

This is what happens when we leave our trash out and our dogs inside.  You can be certain that they are going to make a mess.  And just like this mess…our marriage has been in the middle of a BIG mess!  Zine and I have discussed, argued, fought for almost an entire week.  Just so you know we aren’t perfect…in front of Krisann, we screamed, we yelled, we cursed, a cup was thrown in the floor, I threw my back pack on the bed and started packing clothes and Zine wheeled out the front door and slammed the door with all his might.  I have never been so hurt in my entire life and Zine has never been so angry in his entire life I don’t think.

But you know what…we forgot something major.  The battle wasn’t between him and me, it was a battle against Satan.  Satan loves to divide and conquer and make us think we hate each other.  Thankful for that wise reminder from a sweet friend in the middle of a fire!  And that’s exactly what Satan did…he divided and conquered us in a lot of ways!  And not only that our youngest child is probably even more traumatized for life!

There are daily emotional battles within Zine Smith’s heart!  And sometimes, I get to be the recipient of his anger and frustration and bitterness.  That happened this week!  So what I did, super duper self condemnation.  But because of my hurt and self condemnation, I set some boundaries around my heart in a not so loving way!  And guess what, no one likes boundaries even adults!  But boundaries are good!  We just need to set boundaries when we are not steaming angry!  Lesson learned!

For Zine, his perspective was very skewed through the anger, bitterness, and denial that exists in his heart.  He saw things that weren’t true.  He had looked through the lenses of denial, anger, and bitterness so long that it looked like truth.  The way he viewed me had been altered drastically.    And because of false accusations for a couple of days, Zine has had to do everything all by himself!    It was such tough love on my part.  I wanted to leave because I didn’t want to watch my husband struggle.  But it was important for Zine to discover some things on his own.  I am not the bad guy and he had to discover that for himself.

So now that we have shared some very classified information with you, we hope that someone is encouraged by our classified information!  Remember, when an argument ensues, the battle is not against each other…it is Satan doing his work of dividing and conquering!  Guard your words with care!  Apologize when needed, even to your children!  Make sure your glasses are clean and you can see clearly when you assess your current situation.

We also hope that we have stirred your heart to pray for us.  Pray for Krisann.  She had her first appointment with a psychiatrist after many, many battles, tears, and counseling sessions.  So now my baby is taking anti anxiety medicine!  Pray that we can manage her anxiety and that she will settle down.  Pray for Zine as he is learning many not fun lessons!  Pray for our marriage to be strengthened.  Pray for our family to be resilient. Pray that we can learn to make the best of our reality even if it’s not the reality we want.  Pray that my heart would be full of love and forgiveness.  Pray that we would have complete trust in our Good Father.  And pray that we would believe without a doubt that He is good!  


Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.