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Chemo Day One

We have almost survived chemo day one.  We were late this morning.  We were supposed to be there at 7:30.  But it was not a big deal at all.  On the way in, Zine said, I would literally rather someone shoot me than go do this.  Dread was an understatement.

It was fun to walk in and see some of the friends we made last year.  Some are so much better.  Some are still struggling.  However, it didn’t take but about 30 minutes until the chatting had ceased.  That fast people, this chemo starts working.  All 8 people receiving this chemo went from looking healthy to deathly ill in a matter of hours!  It is unbelievable.

Zine’s pre meds tummy meds are working.  He’s not been nauseated.  His blood pressure did go up quite a good bit today. Tonight his face is VERY flushed which tells me he either has a bit of fever or his blood pressure is high.  But I also remember his face being very flushed last year as well.  However, he is so incredibly weak.  I don’t think that I can put into words how weak he is.  Even if I could, I don’t believe anyone can grasp it until you have seen it.

But to try to give you a picture, it took a male nurse and myself to literally pick Zine up and get him in his wheelchair.  I immediately knew I was in for a workout.  Fear and anxiety rose in my heart greatly.  He honestly didn’t have the energy to raise his arm and put his mask on.  I brought him to our room and we scooted him from his chair to the bed.  He was miserable.  I finally got him somewhat straight in the bed.  And he slept for several hours.  I then managed to get him sitting on the side of the bed long enough to eat some soup.    And then he wanted to sit up some in the bed.  After pulling and tugging, moving his feet off the bed and trying to scoot him, then pulling and tugging more, it just wasn’t working.  So…I came up with a plan.  I grabbed all the pillows.  I sat on my knees beside him and literally pulled him up and held him while I stuffed like 10 pillows behind him.  He’s kinda sitting up!!  But that’s as good as it gets.  I think in the bad picture you can see five of the ten pillows!  And you can kinda see how red his face is.  He says he’s going to shoot me for snapping pictures.  But I won’t share them!  Just one to give you a glimpse!

He said a few minutes ago, Karen I’m just going to sleep in these clothes and in the morning you can just change my shirt.  Conner will be here tomorrow afternoon/evening to help some if needed and bring some medicine that I hope will be ready in the morning.  You can pray that insurance gets their system updated tonight.  I was not paying $500 for a month supply before we left and had to wait until today to call insurance!  Think I have everything worked out with them.  Its’ a constant battle with insurance.  Sometimes to the point of weariness and extreme frustration. And then sometimes God blesses me with amazing insurance people!  But that’s a rarity!  But when God blesses, I am super grateful and attribute that blessing to Him.

Unfortunately I am going to have to get him up once and empty his cath bag and brush his teeth or I am going to have to go see what I can find to empty this cath bag.  I’m looking around the room as I speak. Should have brought our container designed for that task.  But I brought nearly everything I could think of…just not that!  Y’all, my life could win funniest home videos sometimes.  Even just getting these pillows behind his back was super entertaining to say the least!  But I told a friend crying made your nose stuffy and we didn’t need any other ailments right now so we’d just laugh instead of cry.

Pray for us that we can rest tonight.  I slept very little last night.  And respiratory problems are common the first night.  And I do remember counting respirations in the middle of the night last year.  So I’m not certain rest is in our future.  But one can expect miracles.

Speaking of miracles, everytime I have talked to Krisann today, she has asked if God had healed her daddy yet.  I told her this afternoon that I loved her faith!  Now I pray that if we go home unhealed that her little heart is not crushed.  And of course, I know when I am gone, Krisann is not nearly as good as when I am there.  So…I’m afraid to ask how difficult she has been today!

Off to get us ready for bed.  Or at least me ready for bed.  I don’t know that Zine Smith is moving!  Well, I know he’s not moving.  But I’m not sure he’s even up for me moving him!  Still much ahead of us but at least we have checked some boxes off today.  Day One of Chemo is DONE!  And we are surviving!  I think that’s good!


Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.

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  1. Becci

    Praying you and Zine rest well and find strength to endure this season. Love you both

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