On March 10, 2011 I remember hearing the news that I had a benign tumor. I had gone in for a routine mammogram a couple of days earlier only to be called back on a Sunday night with a request for me to return for a second mammogram the next morning. Nurse assured me it was no big deal. However, as Monday progressed I went from a second mammogram, to an ultrasound, to a biopsy all in a matter of just a couple of hours. On March 10 though, I heard the words your tumor is benign! If I hadn’t hurt so bad and felt so rotten, I may have relished in that fact a bit more. I do remember feeling relief at the news! Breast cancer was the last thing we needed! But I felt so terrible I don’t think I appreciated those words at the time as much as I do now.
Today May 13, 2015, I heard that my daughter’s tumor was benign. Although, I had nothing left in me to worry too much over this…I did find a bit of relief once again. But then something happened, we were having a bite of dinner and I heard her tell her friend, I don’t have cancer. At that particular moment, the reality of what we have had hanging over our heads overwhelmed me. I think with our mouths, we had said we are not that worried. But I don’t think I realized the impact it was playing in our hearts despite what our mouths said. When I heard Chloe say those words, I truly think my heart skipped about 10 beats! WOW! What a burden to carry for a 14 year old. And how sorrowful I was that simply due to the many stresses in our lives, that stress I tried to push away as no big deal. It was a big deal to my 14 year old! And I may have missed caring for her heart as much as I should have!
But I did try to entertain her today with lots of selfies!! Definitely tried to help with some of that nervous energy!
One of the things I am thankful for everyday that in the midst of our stressed lives and craziness, that God has sent people to love my children in the moments and times that I might not be able to. Each one of our children have a special person that spends time with them and loves them. I am forever grateful for these individuals and am so glad that they have followed God’s prompting to love and pour into my children. In our lives right now, it literally takes a village to raise my children! :o) Krisann loves her Mrs. Amanda. Chloe loves her Mrs. Allison. And Conner loves his Mr. Will. The only words I can say is from the depths of my heart–thank you for pouring into my children and loving them well!
After my heart started beating again, I was quickly reminded of so many of those that didn’t hear the word benign. Reminded of those 2 year olds and those 14 year olds that hear you have cancer. Oh how my heart broke in that moment for those children! And for their parents. And for the doctors and nurses that care for them. I was honored in that moment and in moments to come to pray for them with a new perspective. I know what it is like to receive bad medical news. I’ve been in those shoes. But I also know what it is like to hear the word benign and the relief it brings. I could have just as easily heard the word malignant today! But I definitely have a new perspective on what families with cancer go through! I know what it is like to live with chemo. And I know the stress of waiting on pathology reports. And tonight I’m so thankful that I know what it means to hear the word benign!
