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A Rough Day

Today has been a rough day.  I think the IV steroids are beginning to wear off.  Zine’s still taking oral steroids but those do not give the same punch the IVs give.  This morning we had some pretty difficult side effects from the chemo.  Let’s just say, the chemo was not nice to the tummy today!

By mid afternoon, Zine was exhausted.  His voice was so weak, I could hardly hear him.  Back in bed, he slept really well for several hours.  He did eat some dinner.  I think that’s the first food he’s had basically all day.  He just said, I’m afraid it’s going to make me sick.  I tried to assure him that I think it’s been long enough it’s going to be okay.  I don’t think I was convincing.  And I do pray that we aren’t up in the middle of the night sick.

Chloe is still struggling with congestion and Krisann decided to join in her party today.  Humidifiers are going tonight!  And dear Jesus we pray that the remaining three of us do not get the upper respiratory stuff.

Zine’s parents were super sweet today.  They called and offered to come stay here and let me go to be with my parents in Arkansas for my dads surgery.  But…I just can’t go despite my huge desire.  As a wife and mom, my first priority is my immediate family.  And we will just be nearing the end of two weeks.  Not to mention, Zine will let me help him but when it comes to other people, he will kill himself trying before he lets other people help him.  So I know for him I need to be close.  I told my mother in law that it is important for even my  kids to see the struggle inside of me but they see me choose my immediate family first.  That communicates to them that they are important and that their dad is important.  I hope it communicates much love and dedication to all of them.  Not all decisions in life are easy to carry out.  This is most definitely one of them for me.  But I am also learning that Karen Smith is not invincible.  I like to think I can do everything and there are no limitations.  However, as you can see from the picture above, I do fizzle out and I do have to spend some time on the sofa at times.  And this week, I can’t seem to get my feet back underneath me to say the least.   I also like to control!  So as much as this is about me choosing family, it is also about me giving up control.  It is indeed a difficult internal battle.

On a lighter note this evening, I got a new hair do.  It’s been a long time since I’ve had dog ears.  I think I had the best hair stylist ever!  Even Conner let the little hair stylist have a turn at his hair.



Wife of 20+ years. Mom to 3 children. Love sharing my life with weary hearts so that we can know the One who is Good, who is in Control, and Whose strength is made perfect in our weaknesses.