I know you all think that we share so vulnerably on our blog. Zine and I always smile when someone says that because we know how much we do NOT say. You guys get glimpses.
And today is just one of those days that I really don’t want to put into words to share. There’s been lots of things over the past two weeks that I’ve not put into words to share. But today in general, I just don’t even want to really share our day. I could tell you but in all reality, you would not even be able to imagine. I wouldn’t have ever been able to imagine for someone going through this. But man oh man, I can do more than imagine now.
I will say the hospital bed has been delivered. Preparations are in progress to go home! Home health will be coming in. For those that don’t know, my mom started out as a nurse for home health agency and kept promoting until she was a director over home health for many years and many counties in Arkansas. As things began to roll today, I found myself thinking about my mom ALOT! She had such compassion for the people she took care of. She always made them feel better emotionally and encouraged them. So today, I have prayed that when home health comes to our house, that I would get to experience my mom’s expertise through someone else. I can’t imagine getting anything better than my mama’s care. She loved her job and she loved her people. I miss my mama. Although I still have her in body, I don’t have her emotionally or mentally. And today I have struggled with thinking about her legacy all day long and missing her.
Emotionally Zine and I are both down tonight. One would think with as bad as neither of us wanted to come here we would be ecstatic to go home. Don’t get me wrong….we are ready….but for me especially…I have become dependent on having constant helping companions. So I am definitely feeling a weight of responsibility on top of my shoulders as we go home.
I’m not even sure I can suggest ways you can pray tonight. I just know Scripture tells us when we don’t know what to pray for that Jesus Himself intercedes for us with words and groanings we can not even imagine. And sometimes, I just bow my head and say I don’t even know what to say God, but I’m trusting you to get us through this! And…He always does! Zine has said numerous times, I want to quit. I ask him…what does quitting look like and neither he nor I can define it. So since we can’t figure out how to quit we just hold on and somehow God always gets us through the storm!
