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“Did I just tell a lie?” was a question that plagued me last night.  Was it a lie?  An untruth?  Was it just a polite answer and is that really a lie?  Did that person think I was telling a lie?  Surely, I am not the only person that has ever experienced those thoughts!!

I remember one day I had checked Krisann’s fever and my thermometer said 99.4.  And I made the statement that Krisann had a little bit of fever but not enough that I would worry about it.  Later, I was told by someone else that thermometer read something different and Krisann didn’t have any fever.  Now, I happened to be the one with the digital thermometer in my hand.  I happened to be the one who looked directly at the thermometer with it in my hand.  And all of a sudden, a few days later, I was told that I lied.  Oh, the person said it a lot nicer than that, but, in essence, that’s what they told me…you lied.  That feeling has stuck with me, deep in my heart.  Months, maybe even a year later, I still replay this whole scenario over in my mind.

The truth…my thermometer did say 99.4 and I am 100% confident of that.  I sure wished a few days later I could pull that thermometer out and show them the temperature and redeem myself!  Why does this accusation continue to plague me at times?  Because I care what people think about me.  I have thought a hundred thousand times, I sure wish I could have proved myself.

I’ve prayed a lot about whether I could go to that person and discuss the topic.  I’ve played situations over in my head about what I should have said or what I should have done differently.  God simply whispers, it matters what I think about you not what others think of you!  But in this world, I get tied up thinking what do people think about me instead of focusing on what God thinks of me.  In this situation, I knew I was speaking honest words and God knew I was speaking honest words so that’s all that matters right?  Right!  Did you hear me trying to convince myself of that?

Yesterday, someone asked me how I was and my response was good.  It just popped right out of my mouth!  I have made a conscious effort to not pop out convenient words.  I have tried to be transparent without going into great detail over the past year.  However, some people have that place in my life to ask and I tell them the detailed truth.  Others just have the place, of being let it on a glimpse of how I am.  But yesterday it was one of those people that have that place in my life that I can tell them the detailed truth.  And I popped out, good.

When I sat down and began to settle down yesterday, the thought arose, did I tell a lie?  I contemplated my answer for awhile.  I fell into that enemy trap of wondering what that person was thinking about me?  Did that person walk away thinking I lied and a few days later going to tell me that I wasn’t good?  The enemy snags me here ALL the time!

Now, I did follow up with the person and say, I might or might not have told a lie today!  My answer truly was a matter of perspective.  Compared to previous times in my life, I assure you yesterday was a good day! At the moment the question was asked, there was a little stress in my life and I did have some concerns.  So my answer really could have gone either direction.  It was just from which angle you looked at my answer whether it was a lie or not.

The point is, I struggle with what other people think about me.  I struggle with this a lot more than I should.  It is place the enemy has a stronghold in my life.  The enemy is constantly throwing insecurities in my path and letting me trip over them.  I can let what other people think of me consume me at times and I dislike anything that consumes me.  That crazy enemy knows that, so he continues to trip me up in this area.  Satan bombards my thoughts and doesn’t have to work very hard before I am believing his lies!  So I’ve been having to work really hard on not letting the enemy attack me in my mind.

• Recognize His power.  I have the power of God living in me!  I have asked Him to be my Lord so I know He that is within me is greater than the enemy in the world.  So I have been purposely claiming His power in my life especially over the thoughts my mind like to think.
• Practice humility.  Maybe there is something that I am doing to play a part in the enemy’s work.  I need to practice humility and ask God to reveal that to me.  I may even need to go to someone and apologize.
• Take thoughts captive.  Here is where I have to ask God to give me His truth to claim.  I like to be able to choose a truth for the attack that I find myself in.   Replace the lies with truths.
• Speak the truth.  Sometimes, I don’t believe the truth.  That’s okay.  It’s my job to claim the truth over the enemy and over my life.  So I have been practicing speaking the truth out loud and asking God that as I am obedient to claiming His truth, would He just allow my heart and mind to believe and feel His truths!
• Trust God. God is a redeeming God.  And either God will redeem situations or He will use them to change me!  My job is to trust in the process that He is at work and He will use all things for my good.
• Offer Forgiveness.  This is where I have learned that even when God doesn’t allow face to face reconcilation, my job is to forgive those that offended or hurt me.  Or it might also be that I need to offer forgiveness to myself.
• Live loved and love others. We all want to be loved no matter what!

Just a glimpse into a struggle and what I am working on to defeat the enemy in my life.

Power and Humility.  Capture and Truth.  Trust and Forgive.  Live Loved and Love Others.