Let’s welcome Yaressi Tallabas to the blog today. Not only does she share her story, but she shares some tips for keeping hope in the middle of asking why!
Faith and Why
There I was, lying in agonizing pain. I could not manage to get myself up from the bed. It might have been because I remembered the emptiness in my womb every time I got up.
I experienced a chemical pregnancy about eleven months previously.
Yet, the physical pain would not leave. It seemed to follow me for eleven straight months as a constant reminder that healing had not occurred.
Those were the longest eleven months of my life. From trips to the doctor and countless medications or natural remedies, the abnormal bleeding would not stop. It was as if there needed to be a constant reminder of my incompleteness every time I headed to the restroom.
In this hopelessness, there was only one thing that I could manage to get myself to do, and that was to attempt to dig my soul out of the pit of depression it was in. But it was silly of me to think that I could try to do it myself. I quickly learned that I could not do things out of my strength.
At twenty-five years old, being TTC (trying to conceive) for almost three years, I found myself asking God, Why?
–Why must there be a constant reminder that my womb was not fit to carry a baby right now?
–Why couldn’t I just get negative pregnancy tests?
I felt like the woman who touched the hem of Jesus’s robe. She had been bleeding for twelve years, but her faith in Jesus set her free. I found myself comparing my abnormality with hers and praying to God. Somehow, I could convince Him that my faith was as strong as hers. I was diagnosed with abnormal bleeding and took the proper care to help the process. But God knew my heart and knew that this trial was needed to mold my character into His likeness.
I learned about that faith that many of our pastors preach about through the trial. In those moments of sadness and confusion, I felt the touch of Christ. His touch brings in the hope and peace that surpasses all understanding.
Please do not get the wrong idea from me. Every day I prayed and hoped God would heal me.
It was not that I did not believe or have faith, but instead, it was my Father saying, trust me.
It was Jesus saying, my healing comes regardless of what you see. My joy should be felt in your soul even if the result does not come immediately. Your expectations do not measure His miracles.
God challenged my soul to rise despite the stage of weariness I experienced. He offered to carry my burdens by saying, I know that you do not physically see the miracle, but allow me to carry you amid the pain. Only was it in that moment where I was able to see the result.
Today, when I hear scripture verses about encouragement, I understand what that looks like. I feel peace and smile because I experienced it myself. God remained faithful to me despite what my circumstances showed me.
Because “faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.” Hebrews 11:1.
In those moments where my miracle was unseen, I had to choose to have faith. I had to choose to rely on the strength of the Holy Spirit.
In this same way, I would like to encourage you today, my friend. Despite what your result might show, you choose to live each day in the hope of Christ. That hope helps you press on just as Paul teaches us in Philippians 3:14.
God answers to you in your why, trust me, for I am faithful. Through those times of uncertainty, these steps helped me keep hope.
1. Remember that the character of the Holy Spirit is not like ours. The fruit that He wants us to reflect is a fruit that remains consistent. (Psalms 57)
2. God understands moments of grief and is calling me today to keep my faith in the midst of my why. (Psalms 71)
3. Remember that the fruit of the spirit is to be a reflection of an unwavering God. (Matthew 21:21)
4. Happiness is dependent on things that happen, but your joy should come from the production of Jesus. Joy is meant to be felt regardless of the situation. Keep your faith and trust in a God that is faithful. (Psalms 41)
These are all important to recognize because we, as human beings, experience emotions. God created those emotions, so instead of suppressing them, ask God how He wants you to understand them.
How we react towards our feelings is often inconsistent with what the Holy Spirit teaches us. The world is broken and has taught us to act opposite God. But when we let the God of Miracles work through our distress, we learn beautiful things.
Lastly, remember what Luke 1:37 says, “For nothing will be impossible with God.”
Yaressi Tallabas is 26 years old, born and raised in McAllen TX, but currently pursuing a ministry degree in Oklahoma. In the middle of my studies at Southern Nazarene University, my husband and I were tried by fire. I love to write and share the word of God and encourage others to pursue their God-given calling.
https://www.instagram.com/tallabaslife/
