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I hate to write a separate entity for my take on this day. I don’t even want to remember it.

I try to ‘protect’ Karen from the MS monster. In my attempts I have not allowed her into my world and have therefore rejected her love and her. If you read her last post concerning me falling in the floor and telling her to go back to bed in a very unkind matter, you’ll know what I’m writing about.  What a bonehead. I love her and I would be deeply hurt if she continually rejected my support.

I want to fight this disease, and I really don’t want this disease to impact her at all.  Not even a little bit.  That is me living in fairytale land rather than reality.  When I get back to reality I know that she is very effected by MS and I can’t stop it.  By trying to keep her out, I just make matters worse by making her alone with a husband with MS.  The more I look at things from the outside, I can see this truth, but from the inside my logic seems so sound.  What horse manure!

I want and need Karen with me.  I love her and want to do nothing to hurt her.  I want to protect and defend her no matter the cost.  Through MS I’m learning that the cost I must pay to defend and protect her is to allow her to hurt with me and beside me if I truly want to love her.  I’m not a fast learner though

I am just now starting to get this and I am sure I will forget what I currently know, but this selfish action needs to end if I want to love my wife well.