We have been busy prepping for chemo. We feel a bit more prepared this year since we’ve done it once! At least we are not afraid of the unknown. The problem is we know what to expect and we know how difficult this season is going to be. So we have to work really hard not to dread the upcoming weeks.
I have someone who is going to spend a few days with my kids while we are away. I have made hotel reservation. We have high powered air filters to put in. A friend has set up a meal train schedule where others can volunteer to bring us dinner or run errands over the coming month. So we are definitely making progress with details. I still have to evaluate our mask supply and clorox wipe supplies to see what needs to be purchased. But chemo prep is well underway!
I have a bit of extra anxiety. Zine and I will be going alone this year. Last year our pastor went with us, but he is scheduled to be away during this week so he is unable to go with us. God has not told anyone else to go with us this year! Not everyone could go spend several days inside the walls of Zine and Karen!! Ha! That definitely takes an extra special person because when we are stressed we are not always nice and happy! It will be a big job but I believe God will empower us to do it alone. And…this year it is three days and not five days so that is going to make it easier as well. But we definitely need extra measures strength and endurance! I am actually looking forward to being with my husband this year. Last year, our marriage was just in a rocky difficult season. At least this year, our marriage is much sweeter!
Every year there is this detail paperwork approval trail between doctor, pharmacy, and insurance. Last year it was Friday afternoon before chemo started on Monday before we heard the definite let’s do this. So as of today things are still in process with doctor, insurance, and specialty pharmacy. So once again, we sit and wait for all the details to work out. If it is not all approved before Friday, then we will not be able to do chemo. They expect everything to work out but there is always that possibility that it won’t. So that keeps me tied in knots to say the least.
I must continually remind myself that God is not the author of confusion but of peace. So when all these details and what ifs start swirling in my mind I need to remember that God is a God of order and He is orchestrating details on our behalf! I just need to wait on Him and while I wait let Him put a peace in my heart. That sure is hard when my mind is spinning!
