When you feel like a less than dad…

When you feel like a less than dad on Father’s Day, I hope you will always remember that less than is good when seen with the right eyes!

Today is Father’s Day.  It is a day set aside to honor fathers.  It is a day that people show their dads how much they are loved.  It is a day where ladies plaster on social media pictures of their husbands and their dads.  It’s a day to make dads feel special.  In some cases, it’s a day known for pastors telling dads how bad of a job they are doing and they need to do better.  And we wonder why fathers don’t like to go to church on Father’s Day.  I wouldn’t want to go either if I were just going to be guilted that I’m not being a great dad!  I’m so grateful that our pastor didn’t preach one of those kinds of sermons today!!

You see my husband feels like a less than dad all the time.

A main job of a dad is the provider for his family.

Zine doesn’t have this role like he would like.  Oh yes, he brings home a disability check but that is not equal to being a provider.  Each month when our account is near empty before he gets his disability check, guilt plagues him that he is not doing his job.  Each day when he wakes up, he sheds tears over the day that is ahead of him because it is a grievance to him to be unable to work and provide in the way he would like.

Another job dads do is provide security to their kids.

Daddies will always protect their families.  They will put their lives in danger for their children and their wife.  Physically protecting our family is impossible for Zine.  Several years ago, we heard someone in our back yard in the middle of the night.  It wasn’t Zine who got up to check things out.  It was this crazy wife that got up and turned on all the lights and hoped she scared them so bad that they peed in their pants.   It’s often mom in our family who our kids want when they are feeling insecure or scared.  Which equals feeling like a less than dad.

Dads do man stuff like take care of yard and cars!

Zine had done all the maintenance on our vehicles in the early years of marriage.  Even as Conner was a young fellow, he had that sweet little boy helping him change oil.  Zine always cleaned up the kitchen after dinner.  It was his service to me.  And dads alway take care of the yard.  That’s just seen as a man’s responsibility.  And Zine never failed to mow our yard even though it was his least favorite household duty ever!  As Zine has been robbed of doing maintenance, mowing yards, and even loading the dishwasher, he feels like a less than dad.

And that less than dad feeling makes Zine hate Father’s Day!  Actually it makes him dislike most everyday!

But today, in the face of loving a man who feels like a less than dad, I am reminded that being a less than man is exactly what God wants.  John 3:30 says He must become more and I must become less.  I believe God’s desire is for men to be less than dads.

Less Than Dads in a different way!

I am grateful that I have married a less than dad.

I have a husband who will always put himself less important than those in his family.

He does not believe he’s entitled to things.  He does not believe he deserves happiness, but he believes everyone else in his family should be happy.  He does not believe that things should go his way.  He is self sacrificing giving in to the desires of his family instead of his own.  He demonstrates the less than attitude all the time.  And that’s exactly what God desires.  God desires for each one to be less of me and more of Christ!

I am grateful that the less than dad I am married to, understands he is nothing without Jesus.

He knows he is undeserving of the many blessings God has bestowed on him.  He knows he deserves much less.  What a wonderful man who can say I deserve less!

My husband is learning to depend on his own self less and rely more on God.

Self sufficiency equals pride.  And Zine will be the first to tell you, he has delighted in his self sufficiency.  However, as his abilities have been taken away he has had to learn to rely less on his self and more on God and God’s working through other people.  Has Zine perfected this thought process?  Absolutely not!  However, I am grateful that Zine is learning his own self sufficiency keeps God from being great!

I love my less than man!

This song “More of You”, says More of You, Less of Me, Make Me Who You Want Me To Be!  Today as my husband struggles with feeling less than, I want him to know, I love the other side of thinking of becoming less!  I am waiting in expectation of what God is going to continue to do in and through Zine’s life.  God has a purpose for his life.  God has a purpose for the homeless man or single mom struggling to make ends meat.  God has a purpose for each one of us.  To become less of us and more of Him!  As we become more of Him, we begin to see life differently!

Remembering some of those moments where Zine Smith’s less than feeling was a blessing to me and his family!  Even in the middle of difficult, afraid, exhausted, and sad, God has used you to teach us about Him.  That’s purpose!