So tonight I am mad, sad, angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, tired, and weary. We have an enemy. He has been wreaking havoc all week. My heart has been broken terribly for our youth pastor and wife who lost their 23 month old unexpectedly this week. That grief has affected everyone and everything in my sphere of friends this week!
Today the enemy has been at my house. And some sweet guys got to experience that at my house today. Poor guys were trying to do something nice that turned into something difficult. I told them welcome to my home. Anything easy is automatically hard!! Satan lives here!!
Tonight I am beat down! Please just pray for God to breathe life back into me! If you had been with me today these are some of the faces you might have seen!! (Big thanks to bathroom at Sweet Frog for the emoticons! Yes I made Chloe and Faith go in the bathroom to see the faces the other night!!! I love these guys! I might even have some more of these to share with you sometime!!)
Today I went to the oral surgeon with my jaw. He told me what I didn’t want to hear!! I had surgery 11 years and 2 months ago on my jaw. But now there is something wrong again. I go back Monday for them to do a test. I then take the test results right afterwards to the surgeon, he decides what all has to be done and surgery is scheduled. So in all reality by the end of next week, I will probably have had surgery. It seems that either the disc that they placed in my jaw joint has cracked or else scar tissue has built up and worn down the disc that they sewed in. So depending on scar tissue or not depends on how in depth the surgery will be. Yes, I am NOT a happy camper!! If there is one thing that I have feared the most over the past months was…what if something happens to me?!?! My children do not need their mother under the weather. My husband needs me healthy. I have been exercising to try and stay healthy for as long as possible. And then something like waking up two weeks ago with a lot of pain and a mouth that won’t open very well happens. I have known since that moment there was something wrong. My jaw and ear have given me much pain. Anti inflammatories have been my friend. And I hate to swallow pills!!!
But really…I’m weary! I’m weary of doctors appointments. I’m weary of surgeries. Since November my family has had 4 this makes 5 surgeries in less than a year! Not to mention the horrible time with Zine and his blood clots a few weeks ago. Also not to mention the chemo treatments and head shaving ceremony! And MS wreaking havoc in Zine’s body. And having a child that struggles emotionally and physically as well! Weary! Weary! Weary! Satan and I are having lots of conversations tonight as my ear pounds in my head! God and I are having a few words as well. I wish I could say they were sweet words with God. But…I don’t think they are too sweet. But that’s okay with God!! He doesn’t mind! God and I will keep talking and one day they will be sweet words again!! And when they are sweet words again, I’m pretty sure our relationship will be sweeter because of it!!
Now when I am feeling this overwhelmed, weary, mad, sad, frustrated, tired…I always need comic relief. You know Zine and I are great at making me people laugh. Just this morning Zine miffed me a bit as I was trying to help him get loaded into the car. But amidst my complaining I leaned over to kiss him goodbye and he jokingly wouldn’t let me kiss him. So I said fine! You’re loss! Have a good day!! And then he tried to kiss me and I refused! All in fun of course!! And Zine said, oh Karen you would be so sad if you didn’t kiss me and something happened to me on the way to work. To which I quickly responded, I have already kissed you goodbye in case you have forgotten. Kissing goodbye once is enough! So we had a little sick humor giggle out of that!! I was actually quite proud that I had come up with a zinger! I don’t do that very often!! So I’ve gloated about that today!! He’s just shook his head everytime I say something about it!! I’m grateful to have a hubby who tolerates my craziness. Whether it be funny crazy, sad crazy, stress crazy, unreasonable thinking crazy, he takes it all in stride. Sooooo thankful!!
But when it comes to fun and happiness… I had a friend a few years ago who said, God knew you were going to need some happiness and fun in your life so He gave you Krisann! So…just to end my post on a happy note…this picture of Krisann makes me smile! What a love for life this girl has! And this picture may never be deleted from my phone. I can’t tell you how many times I have looked at this picture and smiled the past several days! So amidst my gloomy post, I hope this makes you smile!
