So, one would think when they had come through such a life changing experience as we had in the hospital with Zine and then you have another difficult situation placed in your lap, well, you think you would remember all you had learned. Nope…not me! It all went out the window. Don’t know why we continue to be a target for Satan. But dog gone it, when he messes with mama he’s just messing with the wrong person! Except, I think he got a bit of gloating over this whole scenario!
First, I totally lost it. I called a friend after I found out I was going to have surgery and she told me later she sure was glad she had caller id as she had never heard me that frantic. It was bad!!!
And…it didn’t get better. It continued to bad. The more I tried to settle down the more of a wreck I became!
I was MAD that I had to have surgery. I looked at my family one day and said please understand I am not mad at you. I know it probably feels like it but I’m just mad!! And when I am mad, I just want be alone! Unfortunately, I live in a house with 4 other people. Alone rarely happens!
My friends who would normally be caring and loving were all in a difficult situation and didn’t have the time nor energy to encourage me. I talked to one of my best friends on the phone the night I found out I had to have surgery and she was so emotionally spent herself she didn’t even remember I had gone to surgeon that day. I wasn’t mad or hurt over that at all. But it did lend itself to where I went in my life.
I went into do it yourself mode. My friends are all emotionally spent. They don’t have time to care right now. I just want to be alone. I want to figure out how to make this all work all by myself. And then all of a sudden…God was not good again! What about all those things I learned? Well, they were easily forgotten and I went back to God is most definitely NOT good!! So therefore my other post sat in my blog just waiting for me to publish it for a LONG time!!!
But then what God did when I was at the end of myself was pretty amazing!
My pastor took time to encourage, love, and speak truth. I will forever be grateful for a pastor who loves well. And some days I’m grateful for a pastor who speaks truth. Sometimes…not so much!! But he called my hand on my self reliance that day! I think I even told him I didn’t want ANYONE to help me! It was a bad moment for Karen Smith! But it was quite an honest moment.
I will forever be grateful for a pastor’s wife who loves well and who cares greatly for others! Geesh, I’m sicker than a dog and she loved me well in the middle of that! And I will be grateful for the time they spent with Zine and I loving us well. I want some time with them when someone is NOT sick! I think we deserve that!
But then…that was just the beginning of God’s gifts.
I had an aunt that unexpectedly called and said she wanted to go with me to Ohio. Two months previously she had had surgery and she understood exactly some of the pain I was going to have. When you can’t hold your hand up to dry your hair…it’s pretty desperate folks. Especially with frizzy hair like mine!!! Grateful for a last minute phone call that says I’m going with you! Wow!! What a gift! I don’t even want to imagine what my hair would have looked like if she had not been there. When she left and I tried to dry my hair I realized what a blessing that had been! Not to mention that Chloe was about to have a nervous breakdown about going with me!! And that phone call calmed her spirit in a half of a second! That was a good gift for sure!
I had another aunt who stayed at my home and just blessed us all tremendously that week! Truly a gift from God.
But let the gifts continue…the surgeon told me that it was going to be excruciating to fly and that sucking on hard candy might help. Did I ever get hard candy…nope!! But guess what at the check in counter there were bowls of peppermints! Really? God did you really just do that??
Oh wait that’s still not all!! On the first airplane I met an old friend who helped us in the Atlanta airport and showed us exactly where to go. Even took extra stops along the way with us to show us elevators. Wow! What are the chances of that happening?
Well, it’s no fun to have surgery and to have to recover. But at least I got to recover the week that I was already scheduled to be off work. So I didn’t have to take another whole week off for recovery. I was able to recover and Ohio it at the same time. So thankful for that!! What a gift! Not an easy task to say the least but a gift when it comes to being off work!
So when I step back and look at these things…I have to say God is really good! I didn’t ask for my pastor and his wife to take care of Zine and I the day of surgery, I didn’t ask an aunt to go Ohio, I didn’t ask for peppermints, I didn’t ask for a tour guide of the massive Atlanta airport and I sure didn’t schedule surgery so that I could recover in Ohio!! I did ask an aunt to come stay here but she went way beyond anything I would have ever asked for while she was here! Hmmm….things that you don’t ask for but you receive. Doesn’t that sound like a gift? And weren’t those good gifts?? And since I didn’t ask for these gifts but God made sure I had them doesn’t that mean that God is good if He desires to give good gifts in the middle of chaos?
Once again, I was brought to the same conclusion…God is good and He cares for our simplest needs! Now…I need to learn to not doubt His goodness. That shall be the hard part. When chaos comes, to not let that alter truth about God. And I need to learn to gladly accept those gifts…and that’s an even harder part of learning!! It is a constant battle I shall not tell a lie! Simply just being honest with a friend tonight was hard! It’s much easier to just walk around and say we are okay than to be open with my heart and receive comfort and care!
God gives good gifts. But I often just refuse them!
God is good! But I often let truth become clouded!
